Chapter 11

I think of many other eras floating in the stream of life, love and death, and the forgottenness of these times, and I feel the freedom to leave the world.

-Tagore's Bird Collection

Once a person's eyes are blind, who is not blocking the front? Who is the person standing behind you?

In the afternoon when I was overwhelmed after watching the movie, in the quiet time, Guan Bai and Du Lele paced leisurely in the crowded streets. The sound of the sycamore on the side of the road knotted the time. There is no need to change the limited season. Guan Bai took Du Lele's hand and paced aimlessly.

At what age should be used to limit the psychology of Guan Bai? Happy like a child, silent observer.

"Le Le." Guan Bai said, "Most of the emotional parts in historical dramas are the director's lies." Guan Bai commented on the movie he just watched in the cinema: "However, without these lies, it can't be such a successful movie."

"You are right to say that. Did the feelings in the historical drama deceive us, or did the director deceive us?

"It's just to deceive yourself."

"That's right." Du Lele was a little thirsty, and the popcorn in the cinema devoured everything in his mouth. Du Lele licked his lips: "Guan Bai, can you drink something?"

"No, let's go back early." Guan Bai said, "Wait for me here. I'll go there to buy a cup of coffee." Guan Bai pointed to the cafe across the road.

Coincidence occurs in a place that is not coincidental. The arrangement of the Creator is unpredictable, and even the dog-like sense of smell can't detect any trace. We confront the unknowable in life and the penetration of time.

Du Lele witnessed the last day of Guan Bai's twenty-year-old. It was quiet and beautiful, and the background was a quiet sigh.

Guan Bai's soul wrapped in silk during the daytime finally said to Du Lele, "This is also a choice."

Guan Bai closed his eyes.

Du Lele cried, and there was no crying, but tears slid through the corners of his eyes uninterruptedly, walking through Du Lele's cheeks, chin, dripping on the asphalt road, emanating in the hot air.

The traffic order controlled by the traffic police, Guan Bai died in a traffic accident and was sent to a 20-year-old man by a reckless driver who crossed the zebra crossing. Guan Bai stayed at the age of 20 and didn't come back.

Guan Bai got rid of life and death. The peace that does not belong to this world. Where did he go wrong? Some people can't forget, even when we are young in our broken memories. But there is no way to smooth out the point engraved in the lifeline. We have to do what we have to do: live or die.

That was the worst spring here. The cold invasion, the loneliness stranded in the bottom of my heart, and all kinds of uneasy voices are ready to move. Like a donkey carrying cotton, every time it is soaked in water, it is unbearable to stand up again.

Chu Xiaoye said in a panic on the phone, "Xia Shu, you... something happened to Guan Bai." Then, Chu Xiaoye's low sobs came from the other side of the microphone.

The last time I saw Guan Bai was in the morgue. I don't know how many times Du Lele fainted. Every time I wake up, I keep saying that this is a dream, this is a dream.

Later, Du Lele was sent to a convalescent room. Chu Xiaoye and I went to see her. She kept muttering the words before Guan Bai's death.

This is also a choice.

It was the writer who said, 'The opposite of immortality is just a part of life.' Many people know this sentence, but Guan Bai is a person who can really understand this sentence clearly.

Guan Bai did not choose, but was chosen to leave. The wonderful songs are always the tracks that are gradually leaving.

Guan Bai's death was not a suicide, but an accident. There was no suicide note, and I didn't see anything strange about him.

The police officer asked the person he last met that day. Only Du Lele said that she killed Guan Bai. If she hadn't said she was thirsty, Guan Bai would not have died for a cup of coffee.

When I learned about Guan Bai's death, I thought it was such an illogical question: What was Guan Bai's last joke?

Guan Bai's family has gone to school several times, and they have to give an explanation. After a long time, Guan Bai's family gradually lost that they couldn't believe it and never appeared on campus again.

Du Lele, who is deeply in pain, has hallucinations in the mental nursing home. She often hears Guan Bai's voice in the middle of the night, causing serious resistance to the outside world. Chu Xiaoye and I can't do anything about it.

On the way to visit the doctor, Chu Xiaoye trembled and asked me, "Xia Shu, what will happen to Lele in the future?"

"I don't know." I really can't say anything to comfort Chu Xiaoye.

"This is also a choice." Chu Xiaoye gently snuggled up to my shoulder and said the only last words before Guan Bai's death.

What is the behavior of the poetic future? It is to tear down the sadness little by little. How to bring a smiling mask? You need to understand the laughter. How to guess the end of the poem? Life is blank. I didn't expect it to end like this.

No more guessing, no more love, no dependence and no waiting. The ending is destined to be arranged. No one has to guess. I will try to leave. No one can change the ending, and later, it's just a blank.

Du Lele was transferred to the special care room and Chu Xiaoye and I came to visit.

There are about 100 people, 20 doctors, nurses and security personnel living here. The place is not very big, and the number of people is not large. Here is quiet and calm, living in it, and often doubt is not in the real world.

Du Lele lives in a large ward, with a large bathroom, a spacious living room, and a green vegetable garden behind the window, with all kinds of vegetables, including mushrooms, cucumbers, tomatoes and so on.

Du Lele lay sick**, and his hollow eyes looked at the ceiling. Du Lele suddenly asked me, "Xia Shu, do you have a portrait of Guan Bai?"

"Hmm?"

"Guan Bai once said that you wanted to draw a portrait for him. Have you forgotten?

This is our medical visit. What Du Lele said to us for the first time was not vague and unsatisfactory words.

Buy a brush, paper, I imagine Guan Bai's face, and depict Guan Bai's face on the white paper one by one.

When I finished the painting, Du Lele took over the painting, and a faint smile bloomed on Du Lele's thin face.

"Thank you." Du Lele said admiring, "It's a good painting skill. No wonder Guan Bai said he wanted a portrait of himself.

I don't know what to write to comfort Du Lele. Du Lele looked at Guan Bai's portrait in a daze. No matter what I said to Chu Xiaoye, Du Lele didn't seem to blink at the picture.

In this way, Chu Xiaoye and I had to leave helplessly.

The attending physician said that this situation still needs to be observed, and it is not possible to draw a conclusion about Du Lele's condition. Without a stay, we hurriedly stepped on the bus back.

In the car. We didn't say a word, and I thought about Du Lele's words repeatedly in my mind.

Guan Bai once said that he wanted you to draw a portrait for him. Have you forgotten?

Good painting skills. No wonder Guan Bai said he wanted a portrait of himself.

A cold idea came to my mind. I hurriedly got out of the car, called a car, and ordered the driver to go to Du Lele's nursing hospital.

Chu Xiaoye was puzzled: "Xia Shu, what's wrong?"

"Don't talk. I don't know." I said impatiently, "Be quiet."

After getting off the car, I went straight to Du Lele's nursing room. The nurse told me that Du Lele was taking a shower.

I threw away the nurse who pulled me away, left Chu Xiaoye on one side, and rushed to the bathroom.

The sound of running water in the bathroom is flowing.

"Du Lele, are you there?"

An ominous premonition enveloped me. I twisted the bathroom door and locked it.

Yes, Du Lele wants to commit suicide.

I bumped into the door and took Du Lele out of the bath, who was in a coma with blood all over her body.

The red blood in the bathroom stained the white bathroom, and the evil blood was in the throat and the nose was full. Years later, I was thinking, what would happen if I didn't go back and rescued Du Lele from the blood-red bath?

I think, maybe this is also an option.