Chapter 18

When I die, the world, please keep the sentence "I have loved" for me in your silence.

The shadow put on her mask and secretly and meekly followed the "light" with her silent footsteps of love.

-Tagore's Bird Collection

I thought my brother was in the swary I built, but I was wrong. I saw my pale brother lying quietly with tears in my eyes. In an instant, my world was filled with snow.

The corners of my brother's eyebrows are a resentment I have never seen in 18 years, like a sharp sword. What touched my eyes was the country of my brother's ice and snow, fluctuating in the trembling field.

How sad I was at that moment. Where is the brother who will hold the corner of my clothes in the cold? In fact, I know that all these mistakes are inevitable.

I don't blame my brother. I know I will lose my only brother. In my world, there is a lack of someone who will gently call me my sister with a look for help. I thought I would live with my brother, but none of this will happen.

I'm afraid to look up at the sky, far away, illusory. I'm worried about my brother in the distance. I don't even know where he will get there? I remember my brother's helpless expression.

Prickly bird, my only friend. He is also my brother's only friend. I was so confused that I didn't find out my brother's feelings for the prickly bird and the love of the prickly bird to me.

The spiny bird, my best friend, stabbed my brother in such a cruel way and told me her determination in such a strange way. I'm physically and mentally exhausted, but I can't. I want to live for my family.

I heard my brother roar in the heavy rain and wake up in a dream that always wakes up. The cold wind blows, and a sea of tears in my heart. I, who guard the secret, hide indescribable secrets and choose silence in a gloomy way.

My name is Thornbird. It is a strange animal in nature. It is said that it only sings once in its life. Since leaving Nestle, he has been persistently looking for the thorn tree. Then in pain, the thorns pierced into the body, sang the sad song, and slowly died.

My story begins with knowing the sister and brother of the Xia family. In the year of college, Xia Shu and I came to the longing campus arm in hand.

The ancient clock is light and the passage of time. The messy grass is blooming with a few bright red roses. I'm gay, and I've always known my secrets. All I have left is this layer of unconcealed reserved gauze. I didn't tell anyone such a secret. In such a country, such a secret is bound to cause an uproar. Most importantly, if so, Xia Shu will leave me. I love Xia Shu. I keep my persistence, and I will silently be behind Xia Shu.

In the commissary in front of the bronze school gate, I took Xia Shu to eat ice.

A slender and tall figure covered behind us. Looking back, we saw a boy with a bronze skin.

"Excuse me, are you Xia Shu?"

"Yes."

Can I pursue you? Ask Xia Shu cheerfully and directly..

Such straightforwardness, such unconcealed.

Xia Shu disappeared into the crowd in panic. For a moment, I panicked and walked away. What should I do? How to face you?

The boy's name is Xiu, the sunny boy with bronze skin color. Xia Shu will secretly look at Xiu in the corner and look at the heroic posture on the basketball court.

I looked at Xia Shu with heartache. I knew that Xia Shu, who had never loved before, fell in love with the boy named Xiu. Since that night, my face has been very clear, and everyone can see my unhappiness and worry.

Xia Shu asked me if I fell in love with Xiu, and I shook my head with a wry smile. Xia Shu doesn't understand, doesn't understand at all, and never understands my heart.

I know that Xia Shu is in love for the first time. This reminds me of the first boy who chased me.

The boy asked me, stinging bird, is your name a bird?

Yes. It's a dying bird.

Aren't you afraid of death?

No shooting, this kind of death seems to be very interesting.

I forced myself into a desperate situation and said gray and dark words.

When the boy kissed him on the lips, I pushed him away. The boy looked at me with surprise.

I knew that I didn't like boys. I like girls. Before that, I met the sister and brother of the Xia family.

I can put almost all the boys in the world behind my head. I can't see them, and I don't want to see them.

The wine is intoxicating, and the wine flows into my stomach along my esophagus. I felt a trace of coldness, and I couldn't feel the heat of the liquor.

I'm a bird trapped in a cage, a bird that sings all my life. The music stopped in my ear, and I stopped on the crowded street, looking around blankly.

Cars come and go, people go and go.

On the way home, the lights are bright. I invited me home for a long vacation and fell into Simmons's **.

I raised my eyes full of tears and found that there was a dark desolation in the room. The spread of some kind of despair and unscrupulsiveness, endless reproduction, enveloping the world in front of us.

Xia Shu and Xiu are together. The next day, I returned to school as fast as I could.

Looking at Xiu's relationship with Xia Shu, I was so anxious. I asked Xia Shu painfully, have you ever loved me?

Although I expected the answer, I couldn't help crying. When I was a child, such a picture began to be imprinted in my mind, which was despair for myself.

I hate Xia Shu. I hate her so much.

I know that Xia Shu's baby is her family. The house with a younger brother and mother.

That brother is the treasure she has guarded with her life for 20 years. If you refuse to give my happiness, I will destroy and destroy your happiness.

In the summer when Xia Shu graduated, I gave myself to him. At that moment, I cried. I couldn't tell whether it was physical pain or my guilt crying. I suddenly found that Xia Shu was also my younger brother.

I have no way out. I'm sorry, Xia Shu, my brother.

If you say sorry to anyone, I think that person must be you. I hurt the boy who is also my brother.

Sister Thornbird will protect the little Xia Shu with a fist like Xia Shu.

Sister Thornbird, will you always protect me?

I will. I will protect you with Xia Shu forever. Because you are my brother.

I can't calm down. I find that after so many things have happened, everyone is not the same.

Xia Shu will hate me for the rest of her life. I'm such a hateful girl. Ha ha. I am almost perverted for love.

Xia Shu on the phone said to me, Thorn Bird, we will never be friends again. Please disappear in front of me, disappear in front of Xia Shu.

Thornbird, Xia Shu called me by my name and called me with my surname. The name is strange and helpless, strange and sad. Xia Shu called me like this for the first time in years.

I'm so strange that this doesn't belong to my name. I'm so strange that I heard of such a name for the first time. I'm so strange that this person named Thorn Bird is not me.

Xia Shu said that my life can be divided into three points. I hope it's the world, good wine, beauty. My world is my home, my brother, and my mother. My wine is you, and my beauty is my dream.

Now my glass of poisoned wine has poured half of Xia Shu's world.

I called Xia Shu several times, but the other side of the phone didn't answer. I anesthetize my daytime work, think of my things at night, and confess secretly.

I think of a painting in middle school, a painting of Mara being assassinated. Mara was stabbed to death in the bath by a knife.

End yourself and end this pain.

Before I died, I called my brother and said that I wanted to meet him.

I just found that Xia Shu has always loved me. I realized more and more that I was so ugly and dirty.

Xia Shu looked forward to me with that unbearable compassion, which made me more and more evil.

I pray for the forgiveness of Xia Shu. Xia Shu didn't say anything and didn't answer. Because of the magic of the night and my parting words, Xia Shu looked at me nervously.

I took Xia Shu's hand and wished him a good life with mine.

That night, I slept in the bath like a horse and didn't wake up. I was about to leave, but she was still silent. The soft music sounded in my mind, and I hummed with the tone.

Everybodyhurts,everybodyscreams.

Everybodyfeelsthiswayandit'sok

........

I'm sorry, Xia Shu, I don't love you.

I'm sorry, Xia Shu, I love you.