Chapter 12

The sentence that love will be lost is a fact that we can't accept as truth.

-Tagore's Bird Collection

My name is Du Lele.

The name was given by my dead father, and he hopes that I will be happy. He died quietly on the production line when I was eight years old. Cause of death, excessive fatigue.

My only memory of the concept of the word 'dad' is that when I sent me to my aunt's house for the summer vacation, my father cried in front of me for the first time. In this way, my parents embarked on the road to work in a different place.

In the second year of my father's death, my mother remarried a bachelor under the introduction of her fellow villagers, that is, my future stepfather.

When I was fourteen years old, I changed from a girl to a woman, and it was my stepfather who contributed to this change.

He took possession of me in a drunken situation. The pungent and disgusting smell of alcohol penetrated into my stomach and stirred my headache. My mother never knew about this. After that, my stepfather threatened me and told me that if I didn't obey, he would sell me to the human traffickers.

When I was in middle school, I always liked a boy, a handsome boy with hair as soft as silk.

He will play with my hair with his slender fingers and breathe hot air in my ear and say, "You are really beautiful."

Every time he says this, I will see the ambiguous blue and gray mysteriously passing through the colorful sky. I will feel afraid, so scared that I feel dizzy with the real feeling of happiness in front of me.

On a moony night. My stepfather called the boy I liked to the lawn.

The stepfather gritted his teeth, and the tall stepfather was carrying a boy half a head smaller than him.

"From now on, you should stay away from Lele." The stepfather said with a gloomy smile, "Otherwise...hehe." With that, he took out a bright knife from his pocket.

The boy was so scared that his legs were weak, and he knelt down like ashes.

"I'll do it next time, next time... I won't dare next time." The boy pleaded with trembling hands, "Just forgive me."

I saw clearly the ferociousness of my stepfather and the cowardice of the boy. I don't blame the boy's retreat. It's fate, the trajectory, and the fixed end.

The night wind blew my long hair and scratched my eyes itchy. At that moment, I suddenly understood, I knew, Du Lele, you are doomed.

From that moment on, I knew my fate. I know to escape from the shackles unless my stepfather dies. However, I really can't leave my hard-working mother behind.

When I was 18 years old, my stepfather took me into another hell. He gave me to a bachelor in his thirties as his wife.

I clearly remember that my stepfather said in front of my mother how good this bachelor was and how down-to-earth he was.

All this is the beginning of the scam.

I saw a bachelor named dog handing a dozen thick 100-yuan banknotes to his stepfather behind his stepfather's back.

I know, this is my value.

That night, the bachelor named dog dragged me into his dormitory to do that kind of thing desperately, regardless of whether I wanted to.

Once, I was too much in the toilet and unbuttoned my trousers to do that kind of thing. It made me smell bad. I vomited and closed my eyes numbly.

Thinking that I want to live with such a person in my life, I can only close my eyes in despair.

Guan Bai appeared in this winter. White down jacket, light blue jeans, walk into my life with clean steps.

I know that I can't miss the person I love. At least, I can love. Love Guan Bai with everything I have.

Guan Bai pressed on me and walked on me with a burning hand. I felt that some parts of me were slowly moist, which was a feeling I had never felt before.

Guan Bai said to me with a smile, Lele, I want to marry you after graduating from college.

I said, Guan Bai, I love you very much. However, I won't marry you.

Guan Bai asked me why in surprise, saying that it was not the first time that I did not recommend it. I was very touched by Guan Bai's sincerity. I responded to Guan Bai's crazy question in silence for a long time.

Guan Bai, such a winter angel, a boy as white as snow, poured me with the love of the hot summer sun.

My frequent fantasy is that I can be happy with Guan Bai in the future life, like the end of a fairy tale.

My stepfather didn't know where to learn about Guan Bai. Like many years ago, on one night, the moonless night also told Guan Bai and me the lawn.

"You don't want to live anymore, how dare you fucking..."

Pup! Pa!

A loud slap in the face hit his stepfather in the face. Guan Bai looked at his stepfather fiercely, like an injured tiger.

"Fuck, let me kill you." The stepfather rushed over angrily.......

Two big men stood behind Guan Bai. Seeing the wrong stepfather, he stopped waving his fist.

"Do you want money?" Guan Bai looked at his stepfather with contemptuous eyes: "I'll give you this money. Don't fucking touch Lele in the future." After saying that, he smashed a bag of money on his stepfather's head.

Then Guan Baiyang went away........

After that, I asked Guan Bai how much money was in that bag?

Guan Bai looked forward with his head with an unpredictable smile. Guan Bai was born in a rich family. His father was a big real estate businessman, and Guan Bai was a rich second generation.

Guan Bai is not like other rich second generation, rebellious thoughts and rebellious behavior. Guan Bai, who can go abroad, insists on staying at home, saying that he is working for the country. You can enter the best B university in the country and insist on staying in this university. Narcissistically, genius is always a genius, and it's all the same there.

After Guan Bai warned his stepfather, his stepfather soon divorced his mother, and the dog did not appear in my sight again. I heard that both of them made a small fortune. I know that this is the result of Guan Bai's secret operation.

I said to Guan Bai, "Is a woman like me worthy of your love?" Guan Bai smiled at me like the wind. It's worth it. This may be a choice.

Guan Bai bent down and tied my shoelaces.

Le Le, do you know? The worst thing in the world is to bend down and tie the shoelaces for the girl you love in such a sunset.

I looked at him and said, Guan Bai, the worst thing in the world is that you tie your shoelaces for me in such a sunset.

The pain in my heart is covered with ochre-colored sama today. It is eager to go to the outside road, to the road away from all work; this road is like the strings of the unichord, buzzing under the footsteps of the characters hidden in the heart.

I can't let go of Guan Bai's death. I was so suspicious that I didn't dare to admit the cold body in front of me, and I didn't dare to confirm the truth in front of me.

In the last words of Guan Bai, perhaps, this is a choice. Guan Bai once said that there is a choice to live. I know that Guan Bai wants me to choose to live. God deprived Guan Bai of his choice in this cruel way.

Shortly after Guan Bai's death, I often saw Guan Bai tie his shoelaces in the sunset and say with such a spring breeze smile that this is the worst thing.

A month after Guan Bai's death, I swiped hard on my wrist with a sharp blade and lay in hot water.

I think, Guan Bai, this is my choice. You will wait for me. Isn't it?

Perhaps, this is also a choice.