Chapter 14

I think of many other eras floating in the stream of life, love and death, and the forgottenness of these times, and I feel the freedom to leave the world.

. - Tagore's Bird Collection

Disappointment is also a kind of happiness, because there are expectations, even if you are disappointed, you are still happy.

A stone was thrown into the sea, and the splash climbed into the sky, and finally had no choice but to return to its original form. There is no emotion in the world that is not sore. In the most bland marriage, there are definitely more or less regrets. Unfortunately, while we experience regret, the only choice is to be chosen in front of fate.

The rotten world is tied to the pace of breaking free from the shackles, back to back, in two different directions. The trajectory is not round, but in the same straight line. The difference between a circle and a straight line is the terminal.

Smoke permeated the whole space. I never smoked, I bought a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and lit a cigarette to put in my mouth. It was just a very simple action. The choking smoke magically floated into my brain, and my throat was slightly astringent. This is the first time I smoked. Cigarettes really have a calming effect, and the mood calms down a little.

At this time, Chu Xiaoye came from outside the door.

"Xia Shu, everything will be fine." Chu Xiaoye, who had been beside Du Lele, told me that her face was full of fatigue, and the flowing sea was a little messy on her forehead.

Du Lele was sent to the special emergency room. After being rescued for a whole day, it was stable. We didn't dare to close our eyes when a drop of water and a grain of rice had not entered. We were afraid that we would have no time to say goodbye again.

Chu Xiaoye sat next to me, took my hand and said, "Xia Shu, everything will be fine."

"Xiao Ye, why is everything so sudden?"

Chu Xiaoye grabbed my hand and clenched it gently and comforted me softly, "God always has his arrangement."

We have been silent for a long time. We hold each other's warm hands, send messages to each other's palms, and encourage each other.

Chu Xiaoye looked at the cactus on the window sill and suddenly asked me calmly, "Xia Shu, why do you know? Why do you know that Du Lele will..."

I know what Chu Xiaoye asked me? But I don't know how to answer her question.

"I..."

"Oh." Chu Xiaoye looked into my eyes and sighed, "If you don't want to say it, don't say it." I believe in you."

Chu Xiaoye is still that kind of pure love, and I am not grateful. In my memory, this eight-tone box has always been buried in my heart.

"Thank you." In addition, I said nothing that can explain why I know. Saying this sentence is what I can do to respond to Chu Xiaoye's feelings.

"Go and have something to eat." Chu Xiaoye pulled me up and said, "I haven't eaten for a day."

"Hmm."

We ate some noodles and drank some water in a ramen restaurant next to the hospital. The food has no taste at all, just to satisfy the hunger and mechanically pour the food into the stomach. It doesn't mean that you can eat thirty bowls of ramen because you are hungry.

"Xia Shu, you said Lele will..." Chu Xiaoye looked at me uneasily and stopped the chopsticks in his hand, as if waiting for me to give her a reassuring answer.

"No." I answered decisively.

"Really?" Chu Xiaoye asked me again uncertainly.

"Yes." I replied affirmatively, "I'm sure it won't, believe me."

Chu Xiaoye got a satisfactory answer, with a little uneasiness on his face, and asked me, "Lele, what should I do in the future?"

Yes. What should I do in the future? Can you face it alone? Guan Bai will be the hidden pain of Du Lele's years. In the empty night, memories plunged into her bone marrow like thorns, and her painful breathing almost stopped. What kind of courage do you have to bury her in yellow dust? Even if the secret in the ruins is entangled in the heart of the buryer, I don't know whether to do it or not, when and how to dig it.

If you are a hypnotist, a patient who has lost his memory will eventually find clues to encounter his own traces. If you recall all this in this way, isn't it a more unforgivable crime?

is an unforgettable and profound trace.

I shook my head and said with a wry smile, "I don't know."

On the third day after Du Lele was saved, the doctor told us that she needed to rest, and Chu Xiaoye and I did not reluctantly go to see Du Lele.

On the seventh day of Du Lele's salvation, the doctor said that she didn't want to see anyone. She stood outside the door of the ward. Du Lele treated us with his back, facing us without saying a word, facing life, facing...

The bleak back, lost the courage to face, had no choice but to face it with the back.

On the tenth day of Du Lele's salvation, Chu Xiaoye and I anxiously hope to see Du Lele, who has recovered.

Du Lele is still not there. We had to stand outside the ward and say some comforting words to Du Lele's back.

Du Lele faces the world and us with his back.

In these days when Du Lele is saved, Chu Xiaoye and I will make an appointment to visit when we have time.

On the thirty days of Du Lele's salvation, Chu Xiaoye and I stood outside the door of the ward and said something simple to Du Lele's figure as usual. I'm not very good at words, so I have to say boring things. For example, what classes did you take and what books did you read today?

Du Lele just doesn't say a word to face it with his thin and delicate back...

"I know, I know how you feel now." I said this calmly.

"What do you think you know?" Du Lele, who had never said a word, suddenly screamed, "Do you think you know everything? You don't know anything. Give it to me, get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here."

Du Lele turned his cheeks with tears, and his eyes were tortured by long-term thoughts.

"I know. I know it all."

"You don't understand. You won't understand that feeling?" Du Lele cried and said, "Why did you save me? Let me die." Du Lele cried loudly, as if to finish the bitterness and tears in her heart all at once. Du Lele kept holding her hair with her hand and crying loudly burst out throughout the room.

Walk into Du Lele and sit down in front of Du Lele's hospital bed.

Untie the black electronic watch on my left wrist and expose the place of the wrist. A terrible cut is deeply engraved on my wrist. Yes, the electronic watch is just a wall of sighs that covers heavy memories.

Du Lele looked at me with doubtful eyes, and Chu Xiaoye asked in astonishment: "This..."

"Well, yes." I nodded gently and admitted, "I have done the same thing. So, so I know that feeling."

Du Lele stopped breathing and looked at the cut marks on my wrist.

"It's a cold feeling." I tried my best to recall that feeling: "After that, I didn't die and found myself very sad. At the same time, I am very scared when I think of it. I often have nightmares at night, which is the fear of death. I hope I will die. You don't have to face this fear, cold and lonely.

Thinking of the feeling of suicide, he told Du Lelechen and was persuaded by empathy.

Du Lele cried loudly.......

The choice is not always in our hands. I think the sentence before Guan Bai's death is just an impossible choice. The choice mentioned is actually just a choice that has to be faced.

People say that we at least have a choice. What this obscure expression should say is that we can at least face it.

A tragedy has just been staged on the other side of the perfect. All the blood and tears nurture a bud in the withered thorns. It will experience seven thunderstorms of reincarnation, and then bloom in the humid air...

After walking out of the ward, Chu Xiaoye's first sentence was that the table... This... What the hell is going on?

It's the electronic watch that Chu Xiaoye once asked me if it was given by a very important person that was not my age.

That's just a mask that covers the past.......

The memory brings back that summer to unfold the secret of my summer.

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