Chapter 148 Alone

Over the years, whether it is the surname or the status, Nikolay has long been used to not revealing his emotions. He forced himself to drink this untimely night tea with the attendants who had been with him with a blank face, and then Voyekov and Nilov came to meet him.

In the end, when everything was finally over, there was no anger on his face. Like a dead man, his eyes, cheeks and lips lost their mobility. Yes, during this night, he was much older and much older.

Finally, people noticed his strangeness and walked out of his carriage. Nikolay also entered his bedroom. Almost the moment he entered the bedroom, he immediately relaxed a little: there was no light in the bedroom, and there was no need to light the lamp. The minister had already thought of doing this.

Nikolay usually goes to light the lamp by himself whenever he wants. But today, the minister ordered it in advance. Did he feel the need to do this, or did he understand the Tsar's mood?

So in this "safe private space", Nicholas immediately entered this warm and hazy environment. All he saw was the blue edge of the magic lamp, the gently beating spear-like sparks and the eternally mysterious face of Jesus, combining strictness and kindness. The savior holds the Bible open for people in one hand. Although it is open, people can only read and master the small words on it.

Finally, Nikolay closed the door casually and completely separated himself from everyone and everyone, leaving only himself and him.

At this time, Nikolay, who was alone in the bedroom, was extremely complicated. He felt happy and painful at the same time. He wanted to relax completely and cry.

He was in a very complicated mood. Finally, at the moment when he closed it, he fell down as if he had been cut off his leg. He fell sideways with an elbow forward and really cried, like a child who had been greatly aggrieved.

Everything he can't say to anyone; everything he can't achieve; everything he hasn't had time to correct - all of these are now vented through crying.

Alex is the only one in the world who can understand him, although he blames him completely and sometimes blames him. But the only one who knows him best is Jesus, the savior.

We can't figure out the savior, but he can immediately understand us as if he had dissected people, and in all aspects - what he has done, thought about, and even neglected. Because of this moment's full understanding, you will feel that you are a child and a weak person, but someone takes care of you.

The abdicative tsar, who was beside God, cried and cried. All the grievances that had not been spit out; the pain caused by his clumsiness; all the sorrows that had nowhere to be excreted; and even all the fears were vented, which made him feel relaxed.

When he cried bitterly and knelt in front of the icon to pray again, Nikolay felt more relaxed.

The floor under my knees is trembling. He didn't even notice when the train started.

After a while, after the prayer, Nikolay cried less. Suddenly, it seemed that a cold whirlwind blew over and hit the walls of the car on both sides. Did the wind blow from outside the carriage or in his heart? Is this gloomy wind the judgment or the end of the world? This stinging cold blow made Nikolay tremble. The wind blew away immediately. But it has been repeated several times.

Is it the demon that ran out?

Demons refuse to pray.

As the tsar of the Russian Empire and the highest religious leader, Nicholas knew many of which he could recite, including prayers and thanksgivings. He is quietly reciting a lot now. In such a rhythmic recitation, he thought deeply about some words, but inadvertently passed by some of them. With continuous prayers, his mood became calmer and calmer, and he felt relieved in front of God. Because he understands that everything is determined by God's will and planned by God. You don't have to suffer too much.

When his heart was full of prayers, but the thoughts that had not been prayed began to come to his mind again, his heart calmed down, and then completely calmed down, which indicates that prayer should be over.

After the prayer, Nicholas stood up again, sat down to **, and listened to the even impact of the wheels. How many times did he travel along the railway by car; how many times did he read with this wonderful crash sound; how many times did he wake up from a deep sleep with this sound; how many times did he stare out of the window and take notes.

But he just had no hunch that it was on the train that he had taken countless times to end his imperial career, not because of death. It's strange that life should end first in order. But you see, the emperor's career was over, but he survived.

Why is that? ...He sat there, not lying down or taking off his clothes. He didn't realize that it was late at night. He leaned sideways towards the magic lamp, accompanied by the shaking of the train, accompanied by the sound of a gentle impact, and all kinds of thoughts squeezed into his mind. There was a voice, as if his enemy gloating there:

"Your Majesty, all the struggles for you are futile."

But how can you say that?

The struggle, which has not even begun, has become impossible. Because everything is tightly entangled and can't be rearranged.

For Nikolay, who is only 49 years old, his body is completely healthy and seems to be energetic, but unexpectedly, at this time, he doesn't feel any power to fight for the throne... He can't fight for anything, and he can't fight anytime and anywhere. It is much more important for all people to be harmonious and friendly in Russia. What seems to be in the way is that he has never been harmonious because of him. Well, he's leaving now. He made all the concessions, just to prevent it from causing domestic disputes.

As long as Russia can be saved.

In fact, Nicholas never yearned for power, and even this tsar was not what he wanted. Just after learning that his father had passed away, he was also panicked in the face of the throne he was about to inheriting, because that was not what he wanted. If possible, he would rather give up the throne to others. People, but... Now, when you really give up the throne and give up the throne to others, why are you still so distressed? Isn't this a relief?

The reason why I abdication is for the future of Russia, for... as long as I can keep Russia! This is the right decision.

Let's see what will happen to them. What will happen to their... May God bless them, although Nicholas did not find anyone among them better than the ministers he appointed who had no political achievements.

Among all the Duma presidents who have seen the Tsar, in addition to Khomiyakov, Guccikov was once the most tsar's heart: there is no doubt that he loves Russia. He is smart and can be regarded as an excellent talent. When Guchkov made his first appearance in the Russo-Russian War, both Nikolay and Alex fell in love with him. At that time, they received him enthusiastically and talked for a long time. There is no hunch that he will become such a vicious enemy.

This is really a shameless person.

He can't wait to see his panic and helplessness today, and wants to take it for fun.

Look at his arrogant teacher-like behavior and say: Go and pray!

This came from the mouth of a person who had forgotten how to pray. He is still an old believer... In fact, in the past many years, Nicholas has had many opportunities to retaliate against him, but he has not retaliate.

But now, Nicholas is still very grateful to him. After all, he has been released to the base camp. But Nikolay wants to go more to the Imperial Village and return to his family. At this time, he urgently needs to seek Alex's support! But at that time, there were still things that needed him to solve, and he also needed strength and courage. Now as soon as he abdicates, there is no struggle and no task. After taking on the responsibility for 22 years, he is not used to shouldering a heavy burden, and he can't believe that it will be so easy.

In his heart, the pointer indicating the trend has also changed.

As for the family, the two senators guarantee their safety. Who else can Nikolay spend his life with except his family? As for the base camp, he will never see his base camp again. He can only say goodbye to the base camp now, before his uncle Nikolasha comes, and live with this expanded and brave family for the last few days.

What a disaster: Once upon a time, for Nicholas, there was only one fate in his dream and love - not only to be a tsar, but also to be the commander-in-chief and the leader of the army. The godfather of all soldiers; he neither wanted to participate in the Russo-Japanese War, nor did he say when the war with Germany would begin. He just tried extra hard to seize the supreme command and finally took it from Nikolaisha, but all this was ultimately only for one purpose - now he is returned to him again.

It's destined!

In the depths of my heart, Nicholas has always loved soldiers very much! In his eyes, he felt that he was such a soldier! He often puts himself in the position of these brave, simple and intelligent people. Didn't he also do his best for his family? But if God has two fates of life in front of him, and he must choose one: either marry Alex as his wife, have today's family and Alexa, but never wear military uniforms. Either be a soldier, a general, even just a colonel, or even any military rank, but never get married.

There is no doubt that he will also choose the latter.

Men's will, not afraid of death for the sake of freedom, challenging death in line with the military spirit - this is the highest spirit that Nicola has always appreciated. This spirit will give people on the verk of death an extraordinary sense of relaxation.

Really, he needs to go to the base camp now, just like he needs to breathe, otherwise he will die immediately.

He has been a tsar for 22 years. During the inspection and exercise, how many heroic and excellent officers he met and saw at the military parade and banquets! Together, these people are enough to form a people worthy of his leadership.

So where are they now?

Where do they shout "Ula" happily?

Where did they pull out their sabers and swear to God?

Why didn't their team come to support him?

Why didn't you come to defend his throne?

There are many people who have died in battle, and many people have passed away. May God accept them, but there are still many people alive!

But now, where are they when their tsar is forced to abdication?

All of them escaped and hid; some stayed in the trenches, observed with binoculars, and some lay in the hospital. Everyone hid, but five commanders-in-chief stood out. None of them extended a helping hand, and all five people urged him to abdicate quickly!

He has long felt pain that the constitutionalists, revolutionaries, urban and local self-government people and upper-class society hate him, because in turn, he did not pay attention to them.

But these closest people - senior officers.

These should be defended... But in the end, what did they do?

Thinking of what they did, this unprecedented betrayal and the ensuing blow really made him depressed, but more sad.

Tears choked his throat again and finally came out of his eyes.

Finally, while the tears were sliding down, Nicholas remembered his diary. No matter what happened, even on the day of the failure of the Tsushima Strait, he did not interrupt his diary.

The sheepskin cover notebook is still in place, in the open desk drawer, and Nikolay can easily touch it with his eyes closed. The light should be lit, even if it is a bedside lamp. But even now his eyes can't stand this blow.

At this time, it happened to be a small station, and the train with curtains stopped in silence, as if it was trapped in the dark.

Nikolay opened the notebook to the place where the bookmark was clipped, and tried to get as close to the magic lamp as possible. He tried to see the meaning of the words at the end of the day and the last words written during the day: he agreed. In addition, the base camp issued a draft of the abdication edict.

In this way, he stretched out his left hand to hold the open notebook, and wrote with a tap water pen in the light of the magic lamp. He can only see the grid of the notebook with his eyes, and the words are mainly written from memory.

"In the evening, Guccikov and Shulijin came from Petrograd. I met with them and handed them the amended and signed edict. Leave Pskov at one o'clock in the morning with a deep pain.

This is all the words that Nicholas wrote in the notebook today. Neither your own grief nor your own prayers can resort to paper, and it doesn't make any sense.

Finally, he closed the notebook. However, the figures of the commanders-in-chief of the front army and their letters meant betrayal, betrayed their vows, and betrayed Nicholas's trust in them, but they suddenly appeared in his mind like a piece of poison-filled cotton. This thing came so suddenly!

Their betrayal is so incomprehensible and infuriating.

So he opened the notebook again and added another line:

"I am surrounded by betrayal and cowardice,"

He wanted to end again, but it didn't end, and the most important sentence:

"...and cheating."

Yes, they betrayed the oath, betrayed him, betrayed Russia! Finally, after venting his dissatisfaction and anger on paper, Nikolay calmed down again, and then he lay down on ** without taking off his clothes.

You can't sit all night.

Thinking about it, Nikolay began to take off his clothes. And when he took off his clothes, he remembered his younger brother Misha, which was the first time! There were so many things to do tonight that he couldn't hold his mind, so that he didn't think of Misha. Everyone thought of it, but he didn't expect Misha.

He is probably in the Winter Palace now. The crown of the Russian Empire flew there in the dark night sky, which was God's will. If he doesn't explain anything to him and show his attitude, it may make him puzzled.

Obviously, we need to find a station to send a telegram.

Ah, Misha! My dear, lovely, first of all, he is a obedient brother, and a very brave soldier. I know that you have some meaning to me, but everything is wrong in this marriage. - At this point, he suddenly thought of the similarities between him and this brother. When he married the Chinese lady, he I don't agree with you! It seems that this is fate!

But what happened to the princess now?

Oh, by the way, his princess is now in China, thinking that Russia is competing for more aid.

There have been many differences between

and him, but they can be forgotten. But you can't forget to apologize: without prior notice or even a greeting, the throne was passed on to him. Send him a telegram tomorrow.

Thinking so in his heart, he made up his mind and left the matter out of his mind. However, the bitterness for his mother spread in his heart again. Yes, when we are at our end of our misfortune, who will be our superiors?

Who will be around us?

Maybe, in the face of the upcoming long-term separation, the minimum hope is to meet. Send her a telegram tomorrow, just say:

"Please come to the lonely son who was abandoned by everyone..."

At this time, when the word of the telegram came to his mind, Nikolay felt that he was a young, unrenuous and unsteady child.

At this time, he was still lying there. Although it was late at night, and although he had never had a good rest in the past few days, now, he is still not sleepy.

Maybe there will be any miracles?

Will God send the god of hope to save everyone?

At this time, when the idea flashed in Nikolay's mind, everything on the train was shaking and everything was hitting each other.

After such thought and obedience to God's will, Nicholas gradually got rid of these thoughts that made him very sad and painful.

These thoughts slowly disappeared, and everything in the world was restored to balance.

In this world, a new life will start tomorrow...

(to be continued)