Preface I Who am and who am I?

One

"When I woke up, I didn't know who I was and where did I come from? I feel that there is another me living on the other side of the distant starry sky. And I seem to be just a replicator, and my life is incomplete. I got rid of some troubles, but added more doubts. Is my existence illusory or real?

I'm afraid of the night, and I'm afraid to fall asleep. Because whenever I fall into a deep sleep, there is always a strange voice asking me these questions. I don't know who it is, and I don't know what these words mean. Later, I inexplicably dreamed of some strange fragments at night, such as half a planet, three moons, two-story eight-legged monsters, and many cars without wheels.

I can't understand, and I don't know where these clips come from and what they mean. Fortunately, the later dream changed. In the dream, it seems to be a complete image. I can't copy the impression, but I can record these fragments with text. I injected high expectations into this dream, such as breaking time and space.

I am a little person. I try to analyze from my perspective to analyze the origin and meaning of this dream.

Two

"What is the most precious and important thing in life? - Life, the simplest saying is to live."

Life is always limited, and death has always been the most feared thing for intelligent biological populations. Human beings, as a high-level intelligent population, have never given up the exploration of the continuation of life from ancient times to the present. Life has been rare for seventy years, and over the age of 100 is the limit of life. Of course, it is said that Li Qingyun, a modern Chinese traditional Chinese medicine scholar, is 256 years old (http://baike.baidu.com/view/1356090.htm), but that is just a legend and there is no real evidence.

It is difficult to continue the life of an individual.

From Ru Mao drinking blood to human tribes should be the first leap in the continuation of life. From the tribe to the establishment of the country, after liberating part of the productive forces, it has touched the pursuit of human beings for long life. The Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period for the first time, hundreds of schools of thought contend. It is not only a violent conflict of various ideas, but also an in-depth reflection on life. Later generations have gradually formed various myths and legends, which are represented by the Classic of Mountains and Seas, Huainanzi, etc., but they are always illusory.

In the thousands of years of history in ancient China, there was a trend of thought that replaced myths and legends, that is, the reincarnation of Buddhism. Of course, there are many legends like this in the world, but they are basically inseparable from these two categories, either immortality or reincarnation of life in the next life. In modern society, we call these religious beliefs. From a materialist point of view, this is a theory of self-psychological comfort created by human beings who cannot face death, but pursue illusory infinite life and exaggerate facts as the basis.

As a modern person born in the 1980s, as a little person who received Marxist materialism education from an early age. We are all atheists, and we have no faith. Of course, through so many years of growth, and after the reform and opening up, after accepting foreign ideological conflicts. We are also aware of the ideological limitations of early education. We can prove the reliability of materialism through some scientific research data, but at the same time, we have no way to prove that idealism must be wrong. As a result, our thinking fell into a strange circle.

We can neither pursue the continuation of individual life through materialistic means, nor use idealism to force ourselves to believe in eternal life and reincarnation. As a result, many people will eventually live in fear of the end of life.

When I was ignorant, I was full of curiosity about the world, constantly exploring and pursuing, and wanted to understand the world.

When we grew up, all kinds of knowledge and information filled our minds, and we were in pain and happiness.

When youth comes, the world is no longer so important. What matters is the opposite sex. It's love, it's a period of unrestrained and fantasy.

When the flowers wither, get married and have a family, and have the next generation. Life is more about money, oil and salt, and fragmentary and meaningless noise.

Standing at thirty, forty is not confused. When you go from three to four, thinking about life will gradually become urgent. The wider the world you see, the more knowledge you know, the more complicated your questions and thinking will be. But a lot of thinking is often fruitless. Therefore, you have to come out of the illusory space and return to the reality of life. For example, look again, a person who is closely related to you and inherits many of your characteristics, strengths and weaknesses. Combed and guided him from ignorance to youth. We generalize such a kind of behavior in one word, which is called responsibility.

Individual life is bound to dissipate, so the hope of life continuation is expanded to the category of the population, which becomes a responsibility. At the peak of the body, we reproduce the next generation. And put our thoughts, our exploration, our pursuits and hopes on them. So, there is the first sentence at the beginning.

"The most important first thing in life is to live." I began to educate my son who was just in the first grade of primary school.

As a young man struggling to survive in Shanghai, as a young reporter of the news media, I have seen all kinds of miserable lives. As long as you take a wrong step in life, the butterfly benefits may be the sadness of a lifetime. Therefore, enlightenment education is very important to children's lives.

"It's not good to take a tablet computer. You have to call it a good discipline."

The angry voice next door is the woman who has lived with me for almost 7 years. Without a similar experience, it may be difficult for you to imagine how difficult it is for an out-of-town man to live with a Shanghai woman, with different ways of thinking, different family concepts, different living habits and different hobbies. Therefore, I am very sympathetic to the statement of "seven-year itch".

"You only have a poisonous coffin, it's the same. Don't scold you for a day."

I shook my head and tried to shake the noise next door out of my mind. Then he continued to water the little ones who didn't understand and were a little impatient.

"The second most important thing in life is how to live."

A life, from the day of birth, enters the countdown to death. In the process of survival with death, it is not easy to live. Food is one of the necessary conditions for survival. The most intuitive is the food chain of the animal world, which is simply summarized as the law of the jungle. Of course, strong animals at the top of the food chain sometimes lose their lives because of some species competing to survive, or because of the harsh environment of nature. The most terrible thing is the destruction of the food chain. Perhaps only simple life or plant life that survives by soil, air and water can maintain the continuation of the population. This is undoubtedly the biggest irony for populations that continue by plundering other lives.

As human beings, they are more special. Sometimes they are at the top of the food chain, and sometimes they are in the middle. After all, human beings cultivate their own plants as a stable source of food. Natural disasters, diseases and wars are several major problems that affect survival. Although after entering the 21st century, the death caused by lack of food has been reduced to the lowest in human history, there are still many people below the level of food and clothing. I tried to convince my children to cherish food with some simple truths.

"The day of hoeing is noon, sweat dripping under the soil, what are the last two sentences"

"Who knows that the food on the plate is hard."

The little one answered very quickly, and he could barely understand the meaning when asked. However, for the talent in words and poetry, it can't hide the reality that this guy ate a grain of rice. I'm in the first grade, and I have to chase my grandma around for dinner and have to be fed.

"So, food is very precious. You should also eat well. First, you should eat it yourself. Second, you should eat it cleanly. Don't always be picky. Eating more vegetables is good for your health."

"If you eat well, add one hour to the tablet."

“@¥##¥%R^&T&*^&*&*——**（&****”

I'm a little speechless about this little thing. For this kind of guy who lives in a pot, God knows what they are thinking. Compared with the first generation of our husband and wife, the only child of the second generation, I'm afraid it's really a big problem.

My thoughts couldn't help floating to my childhood. In the mid-to-late 1980s, eating in the countryside was still a big problem. Eating meat was only during the Spring Festival at most, and I usually didn't even have rice. Adults eat coarse grains made from wheat. As an only child born in the 1980s, I was lucky enough to enjoy a little rice for most of the time. Recalling these years so far, what impressed me most was the long and painful toilet process caused by the lack of oil and water.

If you haven't suffered, how can you cherish and be satisfied? When I was 17 years old, I was studying. It was the period of struggle for being admitted to college and the period of love. I still remember that I overdrawn my living expenses, didn't eat for a day, and rushed home from school in the evening. It was raining outside, and the bicycle broke a flat on the way. Originally, it was a two-hour road, but I walked abruptly for four or five hours. Hunger and cold, perhaps from that time, I began to understand the hard days my father had experienced before. From then on, I told myself that the pocket for the ticket should be bulging.

Sometimes when I see my son not eating well, I will think evilly whether I should starve this boy fiercely. However, there are too many guards, and it is difficult to find opportunities, so there is no choice. These thoughts made me stunned for a long time. After turning around, he continued to water the second generation of Du Miao.

"In today's society, it is not difficult to live. But how to live better is the most important third thing in life, and everyone is working hard for it. In short, it is to make more money.

Speaking of this, I couldn't help sighing again.

"The premise is, don't find a rich wife"

It seems that I have a good heart. At the right time, there is the noise next door that I hate most, the most disgusting, the most uncomfortable, the most unpleasant, and the noise that I have to accept almost every day.

"Poison coffin, salary paid, cash paid wow"

Every time this sound sounds, the woman will teleport to me from anywhere in the house. Women after marriage are really super changeable, swearing and full of money. The image at this time is comparable to Mo Wenwei, who has fangs and two kitchen knives in The God of Food.

"It hasn't been sent yet, what's the quarrel?"

The woman seemed to be unwilling and continued to mutter.

"Who is the money?"

"Hey, here you are, here you are."

"Who is in charge of the money?"

Here you are, here you are. Financial fan"

Every time I answered like this, the woman rubbed over, and my ears began to suffer.

"Who is the biggest person in the house?"

"My wife is the oldest, my son is the second, and I am the youngest. OK?"

"Wing in the countryside, what kind of people's words do you listen to?"

"Listen to you, is it okay?"

I pushed the glasses, and by the way, I pushed some unrelenting women away from my body. In my mind, I began to miss my first love and my girlfriend in college. However, he then sighed again. Maybe it's the same when you get married. Women are more fierce than tigers.

"Okay, okay, what should you two do? What should you do? I'm going to cook."

It's not easy to be a Shanghai son-in-law. After years of struggle and compromise, a lot of housework has finally been put off. After lighting a cigarette and looking out of the window, I began to cut vegetables. It's hard for you to imagine that a woman with a soft appearance, a moderate figure and a height of 1.69 meters is a foodie in her bones. Potatoes, cabbage, lunch meat, vermicelli, and ketchup are synthesized into a large pot of nondescript borsch, which can be eliminated in a day. I even suspect that this is a genetic mutation, because my mother-in-law only relies on some vegetables and very little meat to survive. This mother and daughter are absolutely two extremes.

"Because of love, the vicissitudes of life..."

The music floated and the mobile phone rang. I hurriedly took out the old IPONE mobile phone that broke the screen from my pocket and put it in my ear. Recently, I have been hesitating whether to repair this broken mobile phone or buy a new one.

"Question, go online quickly, dragon soul copy, 9 and 1, etc."

"Wait a minute. I didn't eat. Wait for me for half an hour and come right away."

I hurriedly cooked a soup, heated a few dishes, and took a few mouthfuls of rice. Then he rushed to the study to prepare for the "Life of Warcraft" at night. Since I was flattened by life, I have been addicted to online games. After playing World of Warcraft for many years, I feel that I am about to become a Warcraft. Open YY, open the music player, open Warcraft, open the web page while reading the article, and start searching for any good novels.

The recent "Warcraft Life" is a little unpleasant, because one piece of equipment is very popular. There are always some people who want everything. The big size takes them to extinguish the small number all day long, and the equipment is allowed. When my number needs equipment, those guys are not polite at all. I also asked me to give up the equipment that arrived at the ROLL. As soon as my brain was hot, I directly deleted a number.

It's also a little sad to think about it. As a young reporter, I have graduated for almost 10 years, and my hobbies are just online games and reading novels. In the past, my classmates, friends, promotions, and fortunes, but I'm still the same. It's nothing more than that I won a national award or something in a certain program, just a false reputation.

A pack of cigarettes, a cup of coke, from after dinner to the early morning, this is your own time. Of course, occasionally you have to deal with complaints from the next door. In the dead of night, I look out of the window and think about myself now. I have also been asking myself, is this the life I want? Does this kind of life make sense? What is the meaning of life? What is the end of life?

Three

"The four directions are called the universe, and the past and the present are called the universe." For everyone, the concept of the universe is different. For the ancients, the boundless flat continent, up and down 5,000 years, this is their universe. For modern people, the continent of stars, the beginning of the evolution and reproduction of life, in the next few years, this is their concept of time and space. For modern people, the boundless galaxy, the origin, gloomy and regeneration of the endless starry sky, and the endless cycle is the universe.

What exactly is the universe? In fact, it is limited to intelligent life, using the acquired knowledge to sum everything that can be explored, perceived, and even imagined. However, it is unknown how big the universe is. How old the universe is, it is unknown. How long the universe can last is unknown. Whether the universe can be destroyed and regenerated is still unknown.

Fortunately, we have a brain that can carry out endless creative imagination. Our thinking can contain endless things, and our imagination has infinite creative ability. We can think of this kind of imagination as a derivation of the unknown from the known. Who is sure that this kind of inference must be wrong and must not exist?

The earth is round, above the sky is the atmosphere, and people can fly with the help of tools. A few years ago, some people who dared to imagine like this were regarded as jokes, some were put on the gallows, some broke their legs, or lost their lives. But now, these common sense have been written into textbooks and become a reality.

The world around you may no longer be mysterious. But what about the world outside the sky? Busy, ant-like figures, can they dominate their own lives and explore the infinite unknowns?

Maybe you have had such an experience, suddenly waking up in the middle of the night, because thinking that after life has passed away, everything becomes nothing. That's a heartbreaking fear, at least for now, I can't get rid of this trouble. Sometimes I also think that this fear actually comes from the attachment to life. Because I feel the beauty of life, I am reluctant to lose all this.

Four

I have only two wishes in my life. One is to get rid of the fear of death, of course, not to avoid it, and the other is to get rid of the prison of the earth. Because of the development of communication and transportation, the earth has almost no too many secrets. Our hearts have actually broken through the earth and flew to the starry sky. However, the current technology is not enough for ordinary people to survive and explore in space, let alone search for alien life.

These thoughts make me feel lonely and lonely. Even in the vast sea of people, I still feel out of place. Of course, this source of loneliness is not just from this. Friends who may have played the game EVE (Star Wars Eve) may feel the same way. The vast universe, the smallness of the individual, the helplessness of a person shuttling through the starry sky.

When I was growing up, I saw too much life and death. My 10-year-old distant nephew was struck by lightning and died. Junior high school classmates chased and hit the octagonal flower bed. The boy who fought with me later heard that it was gone. The son brought by my second uncle's second wife is two years older than me. He is in high school and has cancer. As for the passing of life after work, all kinds of bloody scenes have long been commonplace. It is true that the demise of life brings heavy thinking.

In my memory, there are also many strange experiences. For example, when I was 7 or 8 years old, I once saw a qigong practitioner in a small park near Huaide Road in Shanghai. He exerted a finger on the surface of the water with one finger, and then the river sag a finger. For example, when I was in my 10s, I saw a spiral wind pillar. A bundle of cotton poles rolled higher and higher in the wind, and I ran behind the wind. I want to emphasize that what I have described is all facts, not deliberately fabricated anything because I want to write a novel.

The impression that I am most worried about, I can't even call it a memory. Because I can't recall the specific time and place at all, and even the environment is a little confused. I even suspect that it is a fabrication in my dream. It is a place full of light, no boundaries, only one color. I was trapped in a diamond-shaped crystal, unable to struggle, breathe or think. I don't know what happened, or even when all this happened. I suspect that if all this has really existed, then the memory of this paragraph must have been erased by some means.

Although this impression is very illusory and fantastic, I have to mention it. Because I suspect that this is the reason why I have been having strange dreams. The man in the dream has no name and his face is blurred. In order to better describe all this, I gave him a name, Zi Xu.

The word Zixu comes from the "Zi Xu Fu" by Sima Xiangru in the Western Han Dynasty. (" The envoy of Chu was Xu in Qi, and Wang Xi rode a car and went out with the messenger. After that, there is a Mr. Wu, and his death is a public existence.") The reason why I call the person in the dream so is that I can't confirm his true existence at all. However, sometimes I also think that if all this is not illusory, can he (Zi Xu) feel my existence?