chapter 4 Don't be suspicious, my world

Yes, they never think about how I feel! Every time they quarrel, they don't care about how fucking desperate a seven-year-old child is! As a result, my personality has become so dark. I think they are the culprit.

Finally, the war continued until I was in junior high school. The two of them went abroad decisively waved a small red flag and inserted into the territory of England for money, and I was freed. Then I had my own house. All the furniture was bought at IKEA. I chose it myself. When I was an adult, they gave me a small foreign-style building. The two-story building is very beautiful and I chose it myself, but I have never lived there.

Because I want to wait for them to come back and live in together. It's funny. I don't know if I can see them in my lifetime.

Money, money, what a good thing, but unfortunately I'm not. When they left, I knew that I was not relieved, but walked into a larger abyss, which might not be much different from the nature of the orphans.

It's far away. Come back quickly.

I shook my head and pulled Xiaoxue on the slate road, looking at the calm water of the Funan River.

Originally, I was going to say something sensational at this point, but I didn't expect the haunting nest head to appear in front of us again. His claws were no longer polite this time, and he directly grabbed my wrist, "Beauty, don't go, okay? I really like you."

Damn, what I hate most in my life is being touched by these inexplicable people. I put up with it, but I felt that I couldn't stand it. I raised my hand to give him a big ear scraper. Just then, Xiaoxue grabbed my hand and shook her head. He signaled me not to make trouble. After all, we are both women. This man is so old that he will suffer losses when he starts.

I put my hand down again and stared at him. The man didn't feel it. He looked at me and giggled, and his hand didn't mean to let go of my wrist.

If he doesn't let go, I'm really ready to die with him!

"Brother." Our sister Xue, who has been experienced in the battlefield, gently patted the shoulder of the nest and glued it. "You scared her. Our sister is shy. You let her go first."

Please, I'm really going to throw up. Fortunately, the boss let go of his hand and saved his life.

But as soon as I was released, my hand over there had climbed on Xiaoxue's shoulder again, which almost made me so angry that I couldn't stand it. I saw a big goose warm stone on the bank of the river. Without thinking about it, I ran to pull the big stone and was ready to greet the nest head. The stone was not pulled up, and my hand was caught again.

Turn around, landlord?

"Looking at your petite appearance, you don't have a bad temper."

Wow, it turns out that the mute can speak. Hey, it's better to communicate in language earlier. Everyone should be more cordial when communicating.

"The hero is flattered." I smiled at him perfunctorily and continued to wrench the stone and kowtow to the end.

"Aren't you tired?" He raised his eyebrows. Damn, have your eyebrows been trimmed? Why is it so beautiful, tut. I guess I was embarrassed. He scratched his hair and said, "My car will be parked over there. If you say I'm her boyfriend, just get on the car directly."

"Oh." I agree, this is a good way. When he saw that I agreed, he went to drive.

I walked to the head of the nest and patted him on the shoulder politely. "Brother, my friend's boyfriend is coming to pick her up. Just let go quickly."

Wo Wotou and Xiaoxue were stunned at the same time. I once grabbed Xiaoxue quickly and ran to the landlord's car. He also cleverly helped us open the car door early. We quickly got in. The moment we closed the car door, the landlord started the car. The long and stunned face flashed in front of my eyes. I felt that the world was relaxed and should be extremely relaxed.

"It's disgusting. I'm going home to wash my hands with sulfuric acid." He pretended to vomit twice and rubbed his wrist vigorously. Is it that the scars when I cut my wrists are very red, but they haven't hurt for a long time. I think I have lost my pain nerve a long time ago. Even if you stab me immediately now, I will probably say that I don't feel it.

Because the most painful one is painful, the rest is nothing for a long time.

The landlord driving in front of him turned his head slightly, revealing his perfect three-quarters of his side face, "Where are you going? Do you want to go back or continue to have fun?

Xiao Xue buried her head. I guess she can't get used to such close contact with her favorite object. I know it. I waved my hand and said, "How can I have such a good spirit to go? Of course, I'm going back. Send us back. There is a community next to the Third Ring Road. You can open it leisurely.

Yes, although this car is not a second-hand Alto, this Volkswagen POLO does not seem to be a good owner.

He didn't say anything anymore. I fell asleep in my seat and sat in a dream. In the dream, someone seemed to be making a phone call, and the other side of the phone kept "Hey, hey, who are you looking for?"

I turned over and woke up to find that the ** with lace sheets were placed in a large shape in my house, and there was a snoring snow next to it.

What's the situation? What's the situation?!

I vaguely remembered the dream I had yesterday and saw that my rotten apple was really at Xiaoxue's hand. I took it over, opened the recent call, and saw that the landlord's phone was dialed twice. So that's it. I sorted out my thoughts. Xiaoxue took my phone and called the landlord yesterday. Come on, this sister shouldn't be serious. If I remember correctly, she has already had a boyfriend. These are all small things. She must not think that I have anything good with the landlord. I prefer to stare at the landlord.

I look at the time. It's past ten o'clock. I got up, touched the root from the bag and lit it. The only good thing about the suburbs is that the air is good. There is a green view outside, and the air is fresh. It feels very good. It's good. When I walked to the window, there were a few sketches in front of the huge floor-to-ceiling window that I was bored with some time ago, which were all scenery. I squatted on the ground and planed it casually, ready to praise myself for two words of genius or something. Unexpectedly, I dug out a sketch.

It can be seen that it was painted a few years ago. At that time, my painting style was not very mature, the lines were not certain to be intermittent, and the light and dark relationship was not handled well, and there was no truth. In the picture is a thin boy, wearing a big white T-shirt, sitting in the corner reading a newspaper. That is, I like my boy, 15 to 18 years old, maybe longer. He sat there in the painting and lived in my memory. It's clean and spotless, the fingers are hard, and the bones are clear, which are the details I pay attention to.

But he has left now, and he has taken my best friend since I was a child.

I'm so gratified, because they are so kind to me!

When I saw this painting, I felt that I was lucky in the early morning. Last night, I met Wo Wotou from the capital, and I saw Wilson's bitch's face in the morning. Bah! Why is there still a portrait of him here? I remember that it burned completely. I opened the window and threw out the cigarette butt wrapped in that piece of paper. Without the slightest hesitation, the posture is bold and domineering. After a series of actions, I looked back and saw Xiaoxue's bloodless face.

"Hi, good morning, baby." I smiled and waved to her.

She hooked the corners of her mouth lazily, opened the door of the refrigerator familiarly, took out two bottles of milk from it, threw one to me, and drank one by herself. We both sat on the tatami. The parquet floor felt very Japanese, not cold. At this time, we happened to see that the sun was not too dazzling, and it was quite emotional.

"Yesterday, the man hugged you back. You slept like a pig."

I am.

After drinking the milk, she stood up and patted me on the head. "Baby, I have class in the afternoon to go back to school and play by myself."

I am. Then look at her except for the door. A man lay on the tatami and squinted at the radiant sun. In fact, the sky is very blue, and there are not many clouds. It is very beautiful. On a whim, he took a small bucket of water to the window, opened the lid with a layer of gray paint, picked up the brush and painted the sky on the drawing paper. This angle is just right, it is the angle of the heart.

After a while, the drawing paper was covered with colors. But it's very simple. I like to use solid colors for painting gouache. In the past, professional teachers said that I was lazy, too lazy to adjust colors or too lazy to think about what color to use. In fact, I just like unpolluted colors. There are not so many assumptions.

Three hours later, the painting was finished. You can only see different shades of white to blue on the drawing paper, which is frighteningly monotonous. From an aesthetic point of view, it is a work that is extremely bad, but I like it very much. Only the sky in my mind is clean, peaceful and harmonious. I put down the pencil layout, pulled out a 6B pencil from the toolbox, and wrote a line in the lower right corner of the drawing paper, "My years, the vicissitudes of life." After writing, I threw the pen behind me and kept laughing. Haha, I'm still a fucking non-mainstream!

Yes, my years, really, the vicissitudes of life. Thousands of rivers and mountains, just in the past.

I was careless and saw the scars on my hands.

I pretended to be my wrist and counted it, just twelve. There are thick and thin, deep and shallow, and there is a sense of hierarchy. Some of them were scratched when I threatened them when they were at home, some of them were lonely and bored at home and afraid of emptiness. Some of them were scratched when their grandfather and grandmother died. The deepest and thickest one was undoubtedly scratched when they knew that a man and a woman lived together. I also want to say that I'm stupid and naive, but do you know? I'm really sad.

Why did you do this to me?

Maybe I have been influenced by those two since I was a child, and my psychology has not been normal. When I was in junior high school, one day I saw scattered corpses on my way to school. Later, I learned that there was a murder in the school. At that time, I held the wall and vomited. But it was uncomfortable that he couldn't spit out anything, so he picked it with his hand and scratched his fragile throat until he spit out the blood. Since then, my stomach has been bad, and it often hurts, very painful, or I will vomit for no reason. In fact, I can accept all this. It's enough to endure it, and it's enough to vomit. But what I can't stand is insomnia and nightmares all night.

First of all, I have insomnia. When I have insomnia, I put my hands together and pray. God, Bodhisattva, Queen Mother, can you let me fall asleep? The result was very spiritual. The Bodhisattva really heard my pious prayer and made me fall asleep. After falling asleep, I began to have nightmares, endless nightmares. I often dream of a group of people fighting in my dream. They fight with fruit knives, hamsticks and other sharp weapons. No, it's a fight! Then two men wrestled in front of me. One of the men knocked on the other person's head with the hammer in his hand. His brain splashed everywhere, and some splashed on my face and **'s arm. Those warm ** almost melted my skin. I covered my mouth in my dream and couldn't cry or step forward. It's funny. How I wished someone would save me and take me out of that terrible dream.

The reality is cruel, and no one saves me. At this time, if I wake up, I will cut my hands with a knife. The knife is usually used by me to sharpen the pen, and it is also covered with lead ash that I didn't have time to wipe off. I'm not afraid of staining my blood with one knife at a knife. I just want to die, but I didn't die once. I don't think it's my life, but I still feel that I haven't done it.

I am too greedy for the world, but I choose death to be free. Do you think it's contradictory?