chapter 37 blurred

Uncle Li raised his head, patted me on the shoulder, smiled gently, and said to me, "Xiao Zheng, I know this is the style you have been painting. But I'm surprised that every time you bring a painting, it's very decadent, and that style almost continues to your bones. I don't know what life has given you and made you what you are today. What's strange to me is that your paintings can be sold, and most of the people who buy your paintings think that you should be a very real person. Although I never think so, of course I'm not saying that you are a hypocritical child. You know there is another meaning.

I smiled, and my expression was not inappropriate at all. Although I was told by others what I concealed the deepest in my heart, I still accepted it frankly, because now I know what I need to know what I lack. "Uncle Li, I know. I think your feeling is right. I'm really not real. I have been living in a trance for so many years, and I never know whether my footprints are dreaming or exist in reality. Many times I think that the people or things I meet, or grass and trees, a bus is still a stone that will not change its position. Are they real, or are they in the long dream I'm doing, hallucinations or something? I don't have any goals in my life, and it's easy to live. It's often said that I'm very good.

Forgotted by time, always stubbornly stay in the deepest pictures of memory. Never extricate yourself and let yourself live in the endless illusion.

Xiao Yi listened to Uncle Li's words and looked at me, lit a cigarette and went out to smoke. His back doesn't look so good against the sun. It's very depressed, that kind of depression with winter.

"I said I don't know what life has given you. Xiao Zheng, I don't think you should be a child who has suffered. The eyes of a child who should have suffered will never be as clean as you. Their eyes are always full of inexplicable hatred or thick dust. In your eyes, I swear I only see a piece of white. But I am very conflicted with your attitude towards life. If you are really not sharpened too painfully, your painting style and the artistic conception expressed from the painting technique are really difficult to understand. I can only understand that you are a good child who pretends to be yourself and pretends to be too good, so that people ignore your pain. In fact, you hurt, but everyone can't see it. They think you don't hurt. You can completely get rid of this kind of pretend. Child, you are still too young. What Uncle Li told you today is the reference answers to life. You have to remember it.

I was a little moved, and my eyes were wet. I haven't heard such sincere advice for a long time. Such warm words made me at a loss.

I said that sometimes I feel that I am very lucky. There are always such characters around me. The encouragement to me over and over again makes me not completely lose confidence in life.

But even if you lose it completely, don't you still have to survive? I will also feel that I am a person with serious psychological problems. I always feel that living is a shameful and tortured thing, but I will be afraid when the real death comes.

I still remember reading magazines at home alone during the 2008 earthquake. Suddenly, the house began to shake violently, and the lime on the wall fell down one after another. I have never encountered such a natural disaster as an earthquake. In just a few tens of seconds, I think I have done too many wrong things. God finally asked Satan to take me away. Now think about it, at the young age of a teenager, who has done something wrong, will someone use the most cruel way in the world to punish you? I was very scared at that time, and my home was on the tenth floor, and the shock was more obvious. I hid in the wardrobe and refused to come out. It was not until about half an hour later that I quietly opened a crack in the wardrobe and confirmed that there was nothing wrong before I was relieved.

I didn't know it was an earthquake, and of course I didn't think it was a vicious punishment anymore. I wonder if there is something wrong with Su Su's medicine. I can't get through to anyone I want to call. I lay at home until the evening, and the house began to shake again.

I heard a woman's voice outside the door screaming, "Earthquake, earthquake, run."

I panicked, and the instinct for survival was stimulated. I've always been used to locking the door. When I ran to the door to open the door and rushed out, I didn't know why the door couldn't open. I cried. I thought I would really die. I couldn't imagine the destruction of the whole building completely razed to the ground. I can only think that I will be shredded into thousands of pieces of corpses, which have nothing to do with beauty and ugliness. Because there will be no more consciousness, it is a complete death, getting rid of all relationships with this dirty world.

Complete farewell and go to another world. Never come back again. You won't remember your parents, your good friends, your closest lover, and you won't remember all kinds of good or painful things. I don't know whether it's good or bad. I don't know if I should really say goodbye. All I know is that I don't want to enter an unconscious state, at least I don't want to.

I pulled the door handle outside the door and cried, crazily hitting the strong and thick anti-theft door, "Help me, help me, save me..."

I think I'm really a very cowardly person. I always think that a savior will come down from the sky, and I always think that others will save me. As I said, in the end, no one is the savior. No one came to save me, not once.

I don't know how the door was opened by me, and I ran out like crazy. You can't take the elevator, you can only take the stairs. I saw a lot of people. Some of them were holding their children, and some of them quickly ran downstairs with their elderly parents behind their backs. Some of them don't even have time to wear clothes and trousers. But at that time, the earthquake had stopped. They were still running, and I grabbed my mobile phone and ran downstairs with their pace. I swear, I have never been so eager that my parents will be around.

I have never been so wronged that I feel alone.

I ran to the edge of the flower table in the community and sat there. I didn't have time to wear my child's bare feet. In the cold night, I only wore a suspender nightdress. My hair was messy, and there were still dry tears on my face. I sat there with my head buried and cried. I miss my parents very much for the first time.

An old woman saw it and came over and patted me on the shoulder and asked with concern, "Little girl, where are your parents?"

I didn't say anything, and the old woman didn't say anything and left. I will feel ironic. Really, where are your parents? Why is it not with you at this time?

Fortunately, my aunt and my uncle drove over to pick me up after a while. We had four people with mats in the courtyard of their villa all night. Later, I just slept at home. No matter how shocked I was, I couldn't come out, because it was too uncomfortable to fall asleep outside.

After the phone was connected, my parents called me. If they don't have personal experience, they won't realize how unbearable this fear is. The phone call is the same as usual. Ask how the temperature is. Are you all right? Is our house cracked? You have to study hard. Stay at your aunt's house during this period, or something. Finally, my mother answered the phone and suddenly asked me, "Daughter, do you blame us? Otherwise, you can come here, too."

I smiled and cried on the other end of the phone, "No, Mom."

What I lost, you won't come to compensate for it for the rest of your life. Because they are so deep in my heart that I can't find them.

Therefore, I am destined to deal with the world desperately. No one can be my savior, not even my biological parents.

"Uncle Li. I don't know what to say. Thank you very much." Uncle Li in front of me said sincerely.

"Xiao Zheng, if you really feel that the world has abandoned you, then don't abandon the world. Do you understand what I said? If you understand, this pair of 'still' will be given to you as a reward. What do you think? Uncle Li raised his thick eyebrows, and his tone seemed to have just contributed to a big business.

"Uncle, you think I'm stupid, but I just don't understand. I have to make it clear that I like this painting so much."

Uncle Li helped me put the painting in the box, which was small and exquisite, and a bow was carefully tied on it. It looks like a small gift box, which is very beautiful. Uncle Li and I said goodbye and went out. I saw Xiaoyi still squatting on the roadside smoking.

I ran quickly and kicked his buttocks gently. The light-colored jeans were stained with dust. Fortunately, he couldn't see.

He pulled out his cigarette butt and turned his head to look at me. Why do I think I didn't see him grow a beard in the past ten minutes?

"Sister, tell me honestly, are you not happy at all?" After all, Xiaoyi is still a child. It should be what Uncle Li just said to me that gave him another conjecture. He is direct and always says whatever he wants to ask.

Yes, simple, how do you erase it?

I rubbed his cheek with my fingers and looked at his firmer and firmer outline, which made me feel relieved. "Silly boy, what can my sister be unhappy? Isn't it good that you are by my side every day?"

"Haven't you bought clothes for a long time? Shall we go shopping in a couple of days? Brother, how about buying you two beautiful skirts? Let my mother pay for it, and we will also go shopping for a good day. How about it?"

I pinched his face with my fingers, "Of course, I can't decide on this kind of thing!"

Xiaoyi grinned when I pinched his teeth. He stretched out his little hand and was about to fight back. Suddenly, the phone in my pocket rang. I handed the painting to Xiaoyi. It was Su Su who answered the phone.

"What's wrong?"