Chapter 149 It's Hard! It's really hard!

Chapter 149 [It's hard! It's really difficult! I began to tell me that I fled all the way from Nanjing to Guangzhou, and then fled from Guangzhou again. I smuggled at sea, died, met Xiaofeng, encountered the same treatment as the slave trade on the stowaway ship, and then drifted at sea, fought with hunger and thirst, the climate, and the sea, and told Qiao Qiao little by little.

I've been holding it for too long! I've been holding it for too long! At first, I just said in a low, slow, or even calm tone, but later, my speed began to speed up and my face became gloomy, and then the resentment in my heart, the helplessness, the struggle... all these emotions erupted out.

My emotions were also infected by my own complaint... I was suddenly excited, suddenly angry, and suddenly hurt my power... When I said I killed someone... My tone obviously became indifferent... I subconsciously took out my cigarette, but I thought that I couldn't smoke on the streets of Vancouver, and I Put away the cigarettes.

Instinctively, I feel a little uncomfortable!!" Joe... I don't think I'm myself anymore."

I smiled gently, and the smile on my face was a little sad. In fact, I was struggling in my heart: "I can kill two people who have nothing to do with me for myself now! This is killing! Do you understand? I really did it! And my heart was very calm at that time! When the man struggled under my knife and lay on the ground and twisted and twitched, I didn't even have any psychological fluctuations in my heart... But after going back, I vomited for a long time..." In the face of Qiao Qiao, in the face of my best friend, I said what was in my heart.

"I don't think I'm myself anymore."

Qiao Qiao didn't say anything. She just looked at me quietly with no expression on her face. When I finished this, she was silent for a while.

Suddenly said to me, "Take off your clothes."

"Eh?" Take off your clothes and show me your scars.

I took a look at Qiao Qiao and saw the determination in her eyes, and there was no doubt about it.

I hesitated for a moment and began to unbutton my shirt.

My chest and shoulders.

On the arm, most of those scars that have healed for a long time are stitched by doctors, one by one, a little shocking! Qiao Qiao narrowed her eyes and stared at my body for a minute. She seemed to be a little distracted. She slowly stretched out her hand and gently stroked a scar on my shoulder... This is a scar on my swollen shoulder, and this knife almost ruined me! The doctor said.

If the knife is cut a little deeper and a little more to the left, my arm will be useless.

From this point of view, my vitality is really good.

The corners of Qiaoqiao's eyes seemed to be beating, and her fingers stroked all the way from the scar on my shoulder, and then turned behind me.

There are some bullet holes in my back.

Those were all hit by the shotgun when they were in Guangzhou.

Fortunately, it was just a homemade earth gun, and what was shot was iron sand. Otherwise, I would have died.

Qiao Qiao's eyes were shaking with water. She turned her face, quietly wiped away her tears, and smiled at me quickly.

She smiled calmly and then asked me in a gentle tone, "Xiao Wu, let me ask you a question."

"What?" Why haven't you contacted us all the time? I thought about it and said with a wry smile, "What's the use of contacting? Am I still me now? I'm not that Chen Yang anymore.

It's not that little five! I'm an asshole now, a real gangster... a murderer!" Bang!! There is no sign at all! A slap hit me in the face without mercy! Before Qiao Qiao raised his hand to put it down, he looked at me fiercely: "I really want to smuck you!" I was speechless and looked at Miss Joe.

"If..." Qiao Qiao took a deep breath: "If I, or Aze, or wood... If one day, we also encounter such a desperate situation... We kill and set fire, and die... At that time.

Will you continue to treat us as friends?" Yes! Of course."

Joe looked at me and said, "That's fine! So what you just said, if you dare to say it again... I'll still slap you! Believe it or not!" I rubbed my cheeks. Fortunately, Miss Qiao was merciful. It was not really hard, but there was a burning feeling on her cheeks.

The two of us were tired of standing, and I opened my clothes. The pedestrians who occasionally passed by on both sides couldn't help but cast curious eyes. I thought about it and pulled Qiao Qiao into an alley next to me.

Then I found a fire ladder next to a small building. The fire ladder went straight to the top floor, but it was a little rusty, and two of the floors were locked, but it was useless for people like me.

I climbed over lightly, and then pulled Jojo to jump up.

This is a three-story building, and the two of us easily reached the roof of the building.

It is very quiet here, there is silence everywhere, the environment is a little dark, and there is also a lot of dust on the ground.

I spread my suit on the ground and sat down side by side with Jojo.

I have to say that Vancouver, as a coastal city, the night sky is still very beautiful.

Without the dust covering the sun in those big cities in China, the sky is not gray.

We leaned back to back and looked at the sky. We were all silent for a long time. Qiaoqiao said, "But why don't you even contact Yan Di?" My body trembled.

Yan Di...Yan Di...This is almost the softest place in my heart.

"You know, when the news that you were dead came back, we all carefully hid it from Yan Di and didn't dare to tell her at all.

But such a situation without news is even more tormenting! The girl began to cry every day, and then she didn't cry, but... since you left, she has never laughed again... not once."

"She...how is she?" I heard my voice trembling... and my heart was also trembling.

Qiao Qiao didn't answer me directly, but sighed first.

Her sigh seems to have a lot of meaning in it.

"Not only Yan Di, but also your female boss.

Fang Nan."

Qiao Qiao said slowly, "Her background is not simple... Basically, she can also get the information we get.

She must have also been informed about your death and lay in the hospital all day.

...Do you know? I heard that she seemed to cry and faint. She lay in the hospital all day, and then... I took Yan Di back. Now that Yan Di is with us, Yan Kaidi's heart is now in good and hit my house.

Live with me.

I don't want to describe what she looks like now... It's just... Have you ever seen flowers wither? She is like that now! If she hadn't insisted on waiting for your news... I'm afraid she would have been unable to support it.

I have a fierce blow in my heart again.

"Why don't you contact them? It's good to make at least one phone call to report that you are safe!" I was silent.

This is the roof, and there is no one around.

I was finally able to take out a cigarette and light a cigarette for myself with a slightly trembling hand. As soon as I took a breath, Qiaoqiao took the cigarette from my mouth and inserted it into his mouth.

I smiled bitterly and rekindled one for myself.

The mouth is full of bitter taste... I know, it's not because of tobacco.

Yes, why don't I get up with Yan Di?

Don't contact Fang Nan? Why don't I even send back a phone call or a safe message? Why? Because...because I'm an asshole! Yes, because I'm an asshole! Bastard!! These days... or these days, this question has always been a taboo in my heart! I even forced myself again and again, not allowing myself to think about this... because every time I think about it.

I just think I'm really an asshole! I almost kept smoking a cigarette, and the cigarette butt was shining under my fierce breath, like a spark.

Finally, the cigarette at my fingertips burned to the end.

"What can I do?" I smiled bitterly and felt that the muscles on my face were a little stiff.

I turned my head and looked at Qiao Qiao's eyes a few feet away: "Joe Qiao, I'm in a special situation now..." Then.

I began to talk to myself: "I'm under too much pressure now... I can't go back. Once I go back, there are only two ways, first.

My identity is not exposed, but Brother Huan will kill me.

Second, my identity is exposed. Those people know that I'm not dead, and they will also want to kill me... I can't go back! At least not now! Yes, I have hatred in my heart! Unwilling! There is resentment! I made up my mind that one day I would go back! I want to get everything back with my own hands! This is the resolution I have made a long time ago! But... how long will it take? I'm here now, and I have no foundation.

No background! I can only rely on my own life to fight! Go and break in! I have to wait for many years before I can get ahead! Only then can you get to a certain position and return to China with your head held high? Three years? Five years? Eight years? Ten years? No one knows! Moreover, who can guarantee that in such a day of licking blood on the edge of the knife, I can live safely until the day I succeed? Maybe one morning, I will be shot and killed in the street! I've already embarked on this road... This is a road of no return! A road without turning back! Well, I should let Yan Di... Well, and Fang Nan! What should I ask them to do? I can brazenly say to them: Wait for me! Wait for me to come back! After ten or eight years at most, I will definitely come back - if I'm still alive and get ahead! Is it possible? How long is a woman's youth and a woman's precious years? How many years?? And I! I don't know what will happen tomorrow today! Can I brazenly say such a thing to two women who love me? Do you make such a request???? Qiaoqiao was sighing. She looked at me with bright eyes: "So...you are..." "No!" I know what she wants to say," but I immediately denied: "But I'm not that noble... In fact, I even feel sad for my despicableness and cowardice... I even despise myself!" Yes... If I were a noble person, I would be a selfless person.

Then I should call and tell them... Just like many movies and TVs, as described in many stories, tell them not to wait for me and find a good family to marry! Don't waste your youth for a desperate murderer like me. Find new happiness for yourself... If I am really noble and selfless, I will tell them privately and let them forget me! But... I can't do it! I really can't do it! I love Yan Di... Even I find that my partner Nan is not ruthless! The more I fell into a desperate situation, the more I missed my family and missed them more and more! Sometimes, that kind of strong, that kind of desire, even tortures me to death! I'm not a noble person! If you want me to be like the heroes in those movie stories, let them forget me and find new happiness... that kind of thing, in that case.

I can't say it! Frankly speaking, I can't bear it! I can't face that kind of situation!! Let me push my favorite woman into someone else's arms?? I can't do that kind of thing!! I'm very contradictory!! On the one hand, I know that I am in such a desperate state now.

The future is far away. It's unfair to let them wait like this and waste their youth for me! But on the other hand... I'm really selfish! I love my women deeply. I really can't do that kind of thing to let them leave me... I can't say that! I'm greedy for every bit of love they give me, the warmth they give me... I'm really not a good person! I'm already a person walking on the edge... Now, this love in my heart is almost in my heart.

The only few remaining human nature, a little hope for life... In such a situation, how can you make me "nobility"! How can you make me take the initiative and be "selfless"?

Let yourself take the initiative to let go and give up this little hope? I'm not a saint.

I'm just an ordinary person. I'm not so noble and selfless... I'm even a little selfish... But I'm really reluctant to part with it! This is a contradiction in my heart.

I really can't force myself to make a decision now! In this case, it's not that I don't want to contact them... but... I dare not! Yes, you asked me to contact them, and then what did you say to them? How to say? Tell them.

Let them wait for me? But can I let two women who love me make sacrifices for me like this? Tell them to give up on me and don't wait for me... But in that case, it's equivalent to letting me take the initiative to give up the last hope of life in my heart... What should I do? What can I do? I looked at Jojo with a wry smile, and I felt that I couldn't hide the pain in my eyes.

"Tell me, what should I do? To the left? Or to the right? I don't know what to say, so... I haven't been able to make this call.

Qiao Qiao took a deep breath. She stared at me for a while, then slowly shook her head and said, "I... I don't know what to do... It's difficult, really difficult."

Some people may say that I am selfish and that I am too despicable.

But that's because they haven't encountered me like this! Because they didn't encounter a desperate situation! People are in a desperate situation, in a real desperate situation... In the absence of relatives, in the case of almost nothing... You can still be as if nothing happened, very noble, noble, or very great... Tell your most cherished relatives, tell them not to wait for me, let me live and die! People who are really in a desperate situation, even if they grasp a little hope - even if it's just a little hope, they will instinctively hold it tightly! This is not a matter of selfishness or not... but human nature and nature! This question... is very difficult.

It's really difficult...