chapter 12 extinction is not the beginning

"Zheng Ai, where are you?" The voice on the phone suddenly became serious. I know that Li Luo is angry. Only the temperature in the angry voice will suddenly drop to zero.

I took the fruit knife, scratched hard on my left wrist, and directly cut the string of sandalwood beads that had just been put on. As soon as the beads were cut, they spilled down like heavy rain and scattered all over the bathroom. But it's very fragrant. It's a refreshing fragrance. The taste I like.

I remember when I was 16 years old, I liked the smell of a bottle of perfume. It was Kaloo's lilirose, a famous French children's perfume, with a fresh fragrance. Li Luo went to many shopping malls to send me this bottle of perfume. He also made a hat that was exactly the same as the bear bear on the perfume lid. He said, "Xiao Li, it's Baby Bear."

Yes, how happy and warm it is. It turns out that I have always been so happy. Shouldn't I be satisfied, baby?

What the hell are you expecting? Isn't the man you like just a rich and big-breasted guy with you? So what? There is no need to make yourself so embarrassed to be glorious and sad every day. What if he is the only beam of light in your dark life? You have to see it clearly. He is gone, and he is going to light up others. Then your world is dark again.

Blood is flowing, especially a lot this time.

"Li Luo, I said I was in heaven, do you believe it?" I watched the blood spread across my cheeks, ears and hair. The red color gradually brighted. My sight was too strong. I think opening my eyes is a burden.

I'm really tired.

I'm really tired. I closed my eyes. It seemed that time went back to four years ago. When I was fifteen years old, the boy in a gray coat stood under the sycamore tree in front of the old school gate and touched my head and said, "Zheng Aili, will you come with me? I'll give you the warmest in the world."

He is tall, white and thin, and his figure looks unbearable but not weak at all. His black hair is cut to pieces, but it is very sunny. He was wearing white sneakers and white-washed jeans. I always like to smile and nod when I speak. I look very polite and well-behaved.

At that time, I threw myself into his arms and asked him the smell of laundry detergent, which was very fresh. OK, Li Luo. In the future, you will give me the warmest.

He rides his bicycle to pick me up downstairs every morning. No matter how cold or hot, the breakfast in the basket is always hot. He taught me to play video games and play all kinds of online games. He accompanied me to skip class, watch movies, eat and go shopping. Insomnia with me. Once, he had something to do at his school and asked me to ride his bike home alone. Qian Rui and I went the same way and joked that I would take her. In the winter, Qian Rui sat behind me and rode hard in front of me. The huge cold wind made me unable to open my eyes. When my hands turned red, I suddenly cried. I finally understand, Li Luo, it turns out that you really love me so much.

We exchanged with each other and had an unformed child at the age of 17. We went to the hospital for an abortion hand in hand. At that time, we were so young and cried as we walked on the way to the hospital. He said, Xiao Li, if only I had five million now. I can take you to a good place to give birth to our children and live a better life. I also comforted him at that time. It's okay, Wilson. We will have more children in the future.

When I went to the hospital to register, the doctor asked me how old I was and I said I was 19 years old. It was a relatively conservative middle-aged woman and a military hospital. It was inevitable that I was somewhat despised. She smiled contemptuously, which made me suffer unprecedented insults. She also has a bad attitude towards us, but I don't think it's okay, because Li Luo holds my hand tightly from beginning to end, which makes me feel that it's good to have him, at least with him, and I can stand anything. Li Luo went to pay the money, and I took the test sheet alone to draw blood. I watched the cold syringe plunge into my blood. I only felt that I was very strong, strong, and I could do it alone. He paid the money and sent me to the door of the operating room. He said, baby, don't be afraid. I said, baby, I'm not afraid of you. The doctor asked me to take off my trousers and lie down until the operation**. Someone came to anesthetize me, and I didn't feel anything after the whole operation.

Later, I got the test sheet at that time. The black-and-white printed fuzzy inferior paper was just a small cell, only 0.3*0.3 mm, at most for about 20 days. I suddenly felt that I was cruel, and I killed someone. How can I kill such a small life? He doesn't know anything. He is so young that he doesn't even have consciousness. However, I will never have the courage to give birth to him like Sister Lu. As I said at the beginning, I am a timid and cowardly person, and I will always do what I regret.

I regret falling in love with Li Luo. I regret loving Li Luo, but I can't help but love Li Luo.

What should I do? What can I do?

That's why I'm relieved.

"Are you at home? I'll be right over."

I smiled and said, "Don't come over. I never want to see you, forever!" Then I hung up the phone.

There was a knock outside the door, "Lier. You have a big answer. Come out and get the broken stereo of your computer. Why don't you make a sound? Hurry up, let's play some songs to be more happy.

"Oh, oh." I got up from the ground and kicked the phone aside. He pulled a tissue and rudely wiped his bleeding wound. He didn't feel satisfied. He took it to the water pipe and rushed for a while, and the blood was completely washed off before he stopped. Look at the wound, the blood has stopped, but it's really disgusting to look at it outside. I took the mop and carefully cleaned the toilet. The blood stains and those small sandalwood beads were cleaned up before I opened the door and went out.

My head was still drowsy when I went out. Seeing that Su Su and Xiaoxue have finished the stereo, I don't know what messy songs are playing. There is no big difference between the deafening and the super loudspeaker in the nightclub. The two little girl jumped hard, shook her head and shook her head. There was no difference. I don't have much opinion. I'm just afraid that the neighbors will come up with a broom and knock on the door and slap us up.

"Come and dance together. Now I'm excited." Su Su waved to me.

I don't have a bird for her. I'm going to have a drink of water. In this stall, the doorbell suddenly rang. My heart skipped and I was going to lock the door. The Xiaoxue didn't understand the market at all. She stood on the sofa close to the door and opened the door with a sw.

I saw Li Luo, who was sweating gorgeously. I haven't seen him for half a year, but he is still so thin. Wearing a Kawakubo Rei's POLO shirt and Levi's jeans, the white canvas shoes are clean. The hair is cut very short, and it looks more mature and energetic than before.

Everyone was stunned at first, and then Su Su ran over barefoot, looked at Li Luo stretching out his hand and slapping his cheek. He turned his head and said to us, "I just said it. I didn't expect that a veteran like me who hired a battlefield would have a magical day, haha. Damn, how can you see Li Luo, A Li, come and touch it, Li Luo."

Xiao Xue took a complicated look at Li Luo, grabbed Su Su's hand and pulled her into the bedroom. When she left, she was very righteous enough to help turn off the messy music.

I looked at Li Luo, walked over and pulled the door, but I couldn't close it by his feet.

"Get out!" I stepped on his foot desperately, and it was really desperate. But he didn't move, grabbed the door panel with both hands, and didn't want me to pull the door up.

"Zheng Ai Li, let go!" He is a man, and he must be stronger than me. Before we were deadlocked for a minute, we ended up with my failure to hold the position. He grabbed my wrist and walked into the room with the right left wrist.

Maybe he felt something was wrong. He couldn't believe it and pulled his wrist and looked at it. The new wounds are dense, and there are countless.

I smiled proudly, "Is it beautiful?"

He was silent, rubbing his fingers back and forth on the edge of the wound and refused to let go.

I suddenly pushed him away and shouted, "I fucking ask you if you are beautiful?! Are you dumb?!! Get out of here if you can't talk. Get out of here as far as you can!"

I know I must be like a crazy woman with rabies now, so what? It's not from the great god in front of you.

He buried his head, and I watched his tears dripping down, with crystal small splashes on the floor. Maybe it's pure, so flawless that people like me don't dare to look directly at it.

"I was trying to make sure you were doing well. But you are like this, I really dare not leave."

I almost went crazy and pointed to the tip of his nose, "Are you fucking going? If you don't leave, I will jump from the tenth floor immediately, or stab me to death with a knife. You know that I have a tendency to commit suicide and self-harm. Say it!"

So as I spoke, I walked to the window sill, opened the window and stood up.

I know that my posture must be very ridiculous, like a loser struggling at the end. I'm still gambling. I know that I have lost nothing and finally want to use my life to win. Many years later, I kept asking myself, is it interesting? Is it interesting? If he doesn't love, he doesn't love. Don't mention gambling with your life, even if you gamble with the life of your whole family, it won't change. So, it's boring. It's not interesting at all.

He followed me to the window without fear, "Then let's jump together. I'll count one, two, and we'll jump together.

I smiled and went up and down from the window sill to the tatami. "Are you crazy? If you jump, I won't die with you." Clap his palm, leisurely pulled out a cigarette from a super-large "X" cigarette box printed on the table, and encouraged him, "Jump, Li Luo, jump. Didn't your mother get sold into the kiln? Didn't your father run away with the money? Why are you still alive? You jump, you jump!"

I don't believe he can jump. But I just want you to dance today. It's just right. If you jump, I'll follow you. No, is it fucking death? Let's do it together.

Li Luo looked back at me and seemed to be making up his mind. I raised my cigarette and took a deep breath and spitting fog at him.