chapter 33 prying on the soul, continue

"The next morning when that happened, I opened the door of her room and saw a scene that I would never forget in my life. There was a deep and wide scar on her right wrist, and the skin opened out, but the blood stains had solidified. There was a fruit knife lying quietly on the ground with dark red blood stains on it. Her face was paler than what I saw in the bathroom that day. Her eyes were closed and she looked very peaceful. On the sheets, the floor is full of blood. I didn't dare to approach her or touch her body. I was afraid that she would not wake up again no matter how I walked over. I was afraid that I would walk over and touch a cold body. At that time, my stomach was very painful. I fell to the ground and vomited. When my parents heard the noise, they rushed over and sent our two sisters to the hospital. Anya's rescue needs a blood source. She lost so much blood that she may not wake up. After I donated blood to her, I fell asleep. I dreamed in my dream that she waved to me in a beautiful floral skirt when I was a child. She said, 'Sister, Anya will be very happy in the future, won't she? Anya will be happy when she is so beautiful, right? I looked at her in my dream and didn't know how to answer her. Do you really want me to say, sister, I'm not very happy. When you were 14 years old, you lost a child and suffered more terrible pain than death. The child's father also slapped another woman. Sister, you are not very happy. Later, I woke up. An Ya was lying beside me. She opened her eyes and looked at me. Her eyes were as pure and flawless as when she was a child. At that time, she was just fifteen years old. After I was discharged from the hospital, I gave her a music box. I told her that kind people will be happy in the future. At least, you will be much happier than those who hurt you. But she asked me inexplicably, 'Sister, is it true that boys will not get pregnant and be hurt, because boys are stronger?' I didn't guess what she meant at that time, so I nodded. Later..."

It turns out that I'm not the only one doing this kind of suicide, and it's not that I'm the only one who didn't succeed.

Honey, are you as desperate as I am, so you have to die...

"Later, she became what she is now. Cut the same hairstyle as a man, deliberately imitate the boy's character, learn from the man to speak and do things tidyly, and completely become two people before, right? I continued with Angie's words. At the beginning, the ending was very easy to think of. "Xiao Xue was also hurt by a beast-like man. She said that if a man is unreliable, just find a woman. The reason is a little similar to Anya, but Anya stubbornly believes that men will not get hurt. Maybe it's because the drug flow after pregnancy hit her too hard. You don't think what she cares most about is that men won't get pregnant. Her heart knot is too heavy, not that it can be solved if Xiaoxue leaves her. Even if there is no Xiaoxue, there may be Xiao Zhang, Li, Xiao Yang, Xiao Wang and so on. I think this kind of thing needs to start from the root before it can be effective.

"Maybe the grudge is so deep that I can't find a more suitable way. I often blame myself for not taking good care of Anya that made her suffer all these injuries. And the time when she cut her wrists, I often thought, why didn't I sleep with her at that time? If I had slept with her, those things would not have happened. Why didn't I? My sister really failed. She covered her face and cried. Her fingers were interspersed in the long hair. The thin and protruding knuckles were set off by the clear outline of the dark hair. It was very weak and decadent. I saw too much.

I feel like a shameless paparazzi, always wanton to spy on the most vulnerable side of others, even if I have colic in my heart, I still stubbornly look down.

Children who are seriously injured are always like this. They imagine themselves as hedgehogs facing danger, and their whole body is sharp. They naively think that they can protect themselves in this way. Holding the most weapon of his youth, he thought he could fight back freely. But it was wrong. It was so wrong that I didn't leave myself until the last point, so I went to a dead end.

I'm like this, and I want my dear ones, the same.

Angie didn't protect Anya, but has she ever thought that fate is too difficult to tell clearly? It's not your fault, honey. Trust me, it's not your fault. What she wants to meet will eventually meet, and what you want to stop will not be stopped after all.

Forgive us children abandoned by God, who have suffered too much and their hearts have died.

"I have always felt that everyone has their own life trajectory." I leaned lazily against the wall behind me. Maybe I can't stand the sadness from anywhere anymore. I need support. I feel very tired. I'm about to fall down. Angie squatted on the ground and couldn't stop crying. My tears also dripped, some fell on her hair, and some fell on the floor. We can't change, we can't even change our own way, let alone other people's. Fate is like a small boat in a storm. When he can't carry it, he can only abandon part of it. Unfortunately, I have always felt that I, Anya and so on, is what fate chooses to abandon. In addition to accepting, we should learn to let go. I'm not a saint or a wise man. It may be difficult to let go of these heavy things, but I think it's just a matter of time. Anya, it must be the same. She is too young. She is just a child. She is just wayward. After all, she will be sensible. I believe that in the end, fate will regret that it abandoned us and gave us a bigger ship to rescue. So I believe that we abandoned children will be much happier than anyone else in the future. At least, we didn't hurt anyone else. Those small boats of children who were lucky than us at the beginning couldn't withstand the strong wind and all overturned, haha.

Angie stood up and looked at me with a smile. Her clear eyes were as pious as ever. She crossed her chest and said half jokingly and half seriously, "I hope so."

That night, a Thai film was shown in the cinema. It is a story about first love. Very clear and pure. The heroine changed from an ugly duckling to a white swan, and reunited with the hero after missing nine years.

It has nothing to do with desire, and there is not even a lens to connect the kiss. They are all beautiful imaginations of our childhood, Snow White's fairy tales, and all kinds of things between them, which we have or have not in our first love. Su Su and I sat together. We didn't know why we cried from the beginning of the film screening until the end.

This is a love I want to have. It has nothing to do with betrayal, injury, or separation. Even if we are separated for nine years or more, he remembers me in the bottom of his heart. If I am not here, he will wait and wait all the time. Wait until I come back and be with him. This is something I have never had before. Until now, the person I have been waiting for is no longer there.

I don't know why I'm so crazy, and I don't know why I can't fucking forget Li Luo. I don't know why I can really feel that I love him, but I still love him.

I can't forget why.

"Baby, let's fall in love." Su Su's voice was very small and light, and she couldn't make too many ripples in the quiet cinema. Her words could only be heard by both of us, and I subconsciously turned my head to look at Angie on the other side. She looked at the big screen attentively, smiled quietly, and her face was covered with tears like us. People who cry when watching this kind of warm movie that touches their hearts are tired or old. It is no longer difficult to feel the happiness presented in the movie with the most direct prevention. I know we are all yearning for it.

"Just now, Li Nan's wife called me. She said that she knew that Li Nan often called me. She said that she knew about me and Li Nan. Lizi, I thought she would scold me. Because most women do it, you and me, don't they? But she didn't. I know she is a gentle and graceful woman. She just said that she wanted to thank me for Li Nan and their son. If I hadn't helped Li Nan in the most difficult time, I wouldn't have contributed to their happy family now. She said that Li Nan and her child lived happily every day. She said that Li Nan will... I won't call me again." Su Su's expression was very calm when she said these words, but tears surged out and dripped on her white dress, opening a small sad flower.

She knows that she hurts, and she knows that I hurt.

"I think Li Nan is also happy. You just saw that Li Luo and Qian Rui are also so happy. Why do we have to live a falling life? Why don't we try other people? Why do we have to be so crazy?! If you can't hang from that tree, you have to try a few more times with other trees, don't you? Our life is our own. Never bury it easily in the hands of others. A Li, what do you think?

She slowly held my hand. The palm of her hand was not as cold as expected, but a suitable temperature. I can't say it's warm, but it's not the worst after all. I smiled and nodded.

My other hand was also held. I saw Angie looking at us sideways and said, "Well, how about me?"

I was quick-mouthed for a moment and said in surprise, "Oh, did you give up jack so soon?"

For good, Angie is a gentle person. She doesn't care if I speak too rashly and shakes her head. "I just heard you say that I've made sense of it, Jack, it's really not suitable for me."

All three of us laughed.