chapter 65 faint light, not bright

"Hey, hey, the phone was just robbed by Li Luo. Qian Rui didn't know what he said to him to provoke the separation. Forget it. I know you don't want to know. Come out quickly. Xiaoxue and I are waiting for you at the noodle restaurant in front of the school. I'm starving to death.

I said, "Okay."

I kick Xiao Yi out, change my clothes and go out of the door.

During my uncle's working hours, I was fortunate to sit in his car and go out without throwing the ham. My little uncle was quite straightforward and sent me directly to the gate of the school where I used to go to high school. When I got out of the car, I saw Su Su and Xiao Xue sitting in the opposite noodle restaurant, each with a cigarette in their hand and looked like a hooligan.

I walked in, walked to Xiaoxue and looked at her.

She was looked at by me, scratched her messy hair, and asked, "What are you doing?"

Before she finished speaking, I had slapped her in the face. I never knew that I had the honor to beat my best friend today after I hit my favorite boy last night.

The people in the noodle restaurant were shocked and looked at us.

Su Su was shocked. Of course, she didn't know why. She was afraid that I would hit Xiaoxue, so she hurried forward to protect her.

Xiao Xue stood up from her seat and pushed Su Su away to slap me in the face. I had known that she would do so. He grabbed her hand that had just reached out and slapped her in the face again.

"A Li, what are you doing? What are you doing?" Su Su was afraid that both of us would fall on the stool and smash the table here, and quickly crossed between us and separated us.

Xiao Xue raised her head and sneered. Her face was swollen and she looked very embarrassed. At this moment, how much I wanted to cry.

"Is it for Xiaoyi? I told him a long time ago that I would not fall in love with him! It's him who is cheap!" She will always be like this, like a hedgehog who carefully protects herself, stabbed everyone who wants to get close to her, and offends everyone who wants to give her warmth.

Su Su probably understood something and quickly pulled us outside.

She held Xiaoxue in her left hand and me in her right hand, as if she had returned to high school. She always leads one like her sister, and also greets Qian Rui who likes to walk behind.

Now, it is divided.

She also felt that it was wrong to pull us out, and then rushed us to the playground inside her alma mater. You should know that when we were in middle school, we were always afraid to teach others a lesson in this old place.

In this way, things are human.

"What do you want to say? Don't do it." Su Su was still afraid that we would fight. Although he said not to do it, he was still in the middle of us.

Xiaoxue looked at me and her eyes were a little red. I knew she cared about me. But because I care too much, it always becomes hurt, which is just one of them.

"Is it just a broken bag? Just give it back to him."

I looked at her and asked calmly, "Is it just Xiao Yi's business? Do you think I'm a fool? Do you want me to start with that? I never knew you would hate me so much? Li Luo got stained with those things, and he went crazy in the bar last night. He insisted on letting me go and see it, just to make me sad? In addition to Xiao Yi's affairs, isn't everything to take revenge on me? It's because he chose me when you liked Li Luo. Don't think I don't know. Did you have something before Li Luo dated me? So you hate me so much, Li Luo, Qian Rui, don't you?"

Su Su couldn't believe it, and her eyes swept back and forth between us.

"You knew the details of Chen Yi from the beginning, didn't you? So he deliberately said in front of me that he looked like Li Luo so that he could degenerate with me. Think about it, it would be sad if Li Luo knew that the man he liked was mixed up with the woman who liked him. We have been together for so many years, and I know you as much as you know me. You know what I think. How can I not see your little tricks? I've been comforting myself that I think too much, but now I find that it's not. I haven't paralyzed myself. I've been watching everything you do. I'm still good to you as always. I thought you would restrain yourself, but you didn't.

"A Li, what the hell are you talking about? Xiaoxue, explain it quickly. Su Su pulled Xiaoxue's hand and hoped that she would say something.

She continued to sneer, "There is nothing to explain. What she said is right!" I fucking hate you. I hate you all the time. I hate you from the first time I see you. Obviously, it's a **, and I have to make a virgin, a woman's face. Isn't it disgusting? Of course, Qian Rui is more disgusting than you. When you were in high school, you used luxury goods, but what about me? What, I have the capital now. It's wrong to ask your brother for a bag. Yes, I taught Li Luo to skate. His family is like that. I will help him get rid of it. Anyway, the big-breasted sister can't help him get rid of it. I just want to do this, because you are all despicable and everyone cares about my feelings.

"In that case, there is nothing to say." I sighed deeply.

I walked sideways away from them. As soon as I heard me leave, Xiao Xue cried loudly behind me.

Look, they are all my friends, all of whom I cherish. I take life to love and protect and wait for them. The ending is like this.

I thought they loved me. Before I heard Qian Rui scold me last night, it turned out that I thought too much.

I found that I was really desperate. Before this moment came, I thought about how I should face these tedious things. I have always felt that this is unnecessary. I'm afraid. I thought I would break down. I'm crazy. My heart aches to death. I'm more likely to jump out of the window to seek relief.

This summer vacation almost subverted my life. It smashed everything I thought was beautiful. Even the remaining remnants have been completely wiped out.

However, after it really happened, I found that I was numb.

I won't vent my anger with long and curses in my heart, and I don't bother to lament the unfairness of fate, because I'm used to it. Some people say that the most horrible thing in the world is habit, which makes you cowardly, blind and thoughtless, and I think so. I'm used to being betrayed, being calculated, getting hurt, and even having no tears.

I think I will become a person with no feeling. In the years to come, I will not laugh, make noise, or cry no matter what I meet. Even at the end of the world, at the moment when the flood comes, I will only wait indifferently for it to submerge me. I will lose my emotions and all my expressions. When I encounter any injury, I will become more useless than people. I find that what I once cared about so much has also disappeared.

I don't know whether this is good or bad for me, and I don't know how to go in the future.

Suddenly I felt that there was no light between heaven and earth. I was slowly surrounded by darkness, or I had been surrounded by darkness. I just had a long dream that I was standing in a sunny place, which was an illusion.

That's an illusion, baby, you're hallucinating again.

I walked home. It was my own home. This is the place where I have lived for more than ten years, and it has received people who are close to me. I took out the key and opened the door, which was a little strange. When I opened the door, I smelled the familiar question. That's the smell of my growth, permeating every corner of the house, which is the land that I can really call a writer. I am a very stubborn and pedantic person. I think this is my home, a city alone. Of course, I am the only one in this lonely city. It binds me, and I can't live without it.

No matter where I go and how long I go, I will eventually come back here. It is full of the most important memories in my life, and I can't put it away without hesitation.

It was only when I came to this point that it has been with me for so many years that it has been my most reliable.

I took off my shoes and walked in, rubbing its wall and every inch I could touch. My fingers were getting cold, but my heart was warm. I put my whole body on the wall to feel its temperature, and my gradually falling body temperature is still close.

I have a body temperature, but no temperature. It has no temperature and gives me warmth.

I saw the picture that Uncle Li gave me last time in the gallery on the table. The little boy still did not tilt towards the angle of the sun. The girl in the picture smiled, showing all the infections related to happiness, but she could not infect me.

still... Still.

I went to my room, took out a suitcase that I hadn't used for a long time, put in the clothes one by one, and the radio that has been with me for many years, and the photos under the pillow. In the photo, the four girls in thick cotton-padded jackets hugged each other and smiled brightly under the bare sycamore tree. I took the photo Put it in the suitcase and zip it up. After thinking about it, I opened the zipper and put the oil painting in it.

I decided to leave for a while. It's just for a while, because I believe I will eventually come back.

I pulled the box and locked the door and walked downstairs of the community. There was a small garden downstairs. There is a group of children holding colorful plastic tools and shoveling flowers and plants. I watched them with pure beauty to the point of hopelessness, and I couldn't express my envy.

I remember that when I was a child, I always thought that I wanted to grow up.

When I was in junior high school, I hoped to go to high school. At that time, I could see senior boys playing basketball in physical education class. After entering high school, I want to go to college, because the boys in the same grade are either four-eyed chicken or have acne. There are many handsome men in college. At that time, they are also adults. They can go racing, put on heavy makeup and wear sexy clothes to the nightclub for a drink.

But when I really got to this point, I was free to do everything and no one interfered with me.

Isn't this what I hoped when I was a child? Am I happy?

Looking at those three or four-year-old children will sigh that when they were young, they would at least be chased into the quilt by their mother for not being able to eat the cone and watching the cartoons on the TV station. This is the so-called annoyance. When I grow up, I think back to that time, how beautiful those troubles were. It's just that we don't know when we are young, so we don't cherish it and forget to be grateful.