chapter 44 Don't go, abyss

"I found her in the detention center. She was wearing a light blue prison jacket, the kind that has been for a long time. She lost a lot of weight, and the dress was loose like a huge cover covering her body. There is a small white cloth on the chest on the right side of the clothes, and her name, Wu Mengmeng, is crooked on it. That's not her handwriting. Her handwriting will not be so embarrassing. She has always been a normal child. If she is not forced, she will live an ordinary life. Even if she is not happy, she is by no means embarrassed. Her hair was cut very short, which was an ugly hairstyle, revealing her whole face. The face was too thin, and it was completely covered with a layer of skin on the skull. Her skin is still so white, and her eyes are as big as before, but she has lost her previous look, like an old man, covered with a layer of dust on her pupils without any hope.

"I have seen many people's eyes, and I have also observed many people's eyes. At that time, as soon as I looked at her eyes, I knew that she was dead and had been dead for a long time. Sister, do you know? There is a disease called Kotaad syndrome, also known as walking corpse syndrome. This is a very mysterious disease. Patients will think that they are dead or have lost an important part of their body, but they are still conscious of survival. It is a mental disease caused by brain damage. The number of patients with walking syndrome is very small, but the consequences of this disease are very serious. Most patients will think that they will live immortality and try to test whether they have immortality. In the end, they choose to commit suicide.

"Believe that you are dead. This symptom has a high tendency to suicide and depression. During the illness, patients will complain that they are losing everything, including part or all of their bodies and souls. They thought they were dead and walked like a corpse. The patient can feel the maggot wriggling in the body and smell the rotten smell of the body. When I saw Wu Mengmeng's appearance at that time, this disease came to my mind. Even convincedly, she thought she was dead.

"I looked at her through the thick glass. We didn't get the microphone, so we looked at each other. Looking at it, I smiled and cried again. I knew that she would only react slightly when she saw me. She smiled as if nothing had happened. She was not raped by LUN, did not see her father and other women, and the family lived happily together, even if everything was her wishful hallucination. She didn't kill anyone, she didn't kill anyone. I looked at her through the glass and said softly, 'Mengmeng, as long as you say you don't, I will believe you.' I knew she understood my mouth shape, but she still smiled and shook her head. As she said, she also wanted to say to me without any grudge, Zhang Xunyi, yes, I didn't. But she did it. She killed Adan, her father's mistress, who is also Adan's cousin, and the three women who** her. Because there were too many potions, the faces of the five people killed were bleeding with seven holes, and the faces were full of invisible purple blue, and there were traces of being flogged after death on Adan's body.

I lay next to Xiao Yi, smoking one by one, and didn't give me a chance to breathe.

I know we are all forced into a dead end, so back. It's bullshit to say that hope is around the corner. I never believe that there is still a corner in the dead end.

"She suddenly stood up. My fingers touched the glass separating us, and my hands were particularly distorted in my eyes because of the handcuffs. Her hands gradually climbed up the glass and wanted to touch my face. Before the hand stayed on the glass for a minute, the prison guard said that it was time and took her away. That was the last time I saw her. In the early morning of the next day, she poked her neck with the pen she usually wrote letters and committed suicide. I know that she will commit suicide, and even if it is not the death penalty, she will not be forgiven. Even if life continues to be dark, it is not as good as early death and early birth. Maybe I can be a happy girl in my next life.

"Sister, I would rather believe that I had never met her. I have never known a girl named Wu Mengmeng. I don't know her story. I didn't go to the detention center to see her. I didn't know she was dead. I think it may be a dream I had, because the dream was too real, so I believed it. Because I always dream of her in my dreams. I dreamed that she handed me a towel when I was playing football, dreamed that she helped me take notes, and dreamed that she smiled at me. I dreamed that that day in the classroom, and I said to her, 'As long as you say no, I will believe you.' After so much time, it was like a different world, so even I forgot whether it was a dream or not. She is like an angel. How can she be easily taken away by Satan? Am I talking in my sleep again?"

I saw the corner of Xiao Yi's eyes, and there was a tear slowly lengthen the line, sliding down his outline to his neck.

Those are exquisite tears, small, full, transparent and pure. But so what? It can't wash away despair, can it?

In the end, no one saved anyone, and no one became anyone's savior. Damn it, it's still dead, and it's not damned. I don't have that corpse syndrome, but I still feel dead. Yes, it's death, not immortality.

"Later, I began to meet different girls. There are all kinds and all kinds, you know. Then, I felt that I was venting. The so-called pathological anger was vented on innocent people, which was shameless. But I can't stop. I can't imagine how she lives a life that is worse than death every day, and some people can live safely and covet all the luxury things that don't belong to them. In hindsight, life is still like this. We can't change, we can only accept it. Fate is already like this. She is dead and can't live. Even if she is alive, if time can't go back, she won't be a happy child. It's better to be relieved. Sister, you said she would be happy, right? In the next life.

I'm soreless. He stuffed his fingers into his mouth and bit his teeth desperately to stop his crying.

"I met another girl. She is very similar to Wu Mengmeng, no matter in any way. I want to cherish it."

"She also hates the world, doesn't she?" I looked at myself with more and more tears, "Xiao Yi, no one is the savior. You can't save her. Don't do this."

I'm not selfish. I'm a child who grew up in the sun. He is clean, pure and kind. If he hadn't met Wu Mengmeng, maybe this kind of life would last forever, knowing that he would be brought into the grave after his death. He has tried the desolation of darkness. He is not wrong. He doesn't have to try again. It's not a good thing for him. The first time I peeped at the world of children abandoned by fate, I can still come back with the original posture. The second time, I'm afraid I won't be so lucky again.

"But sister, I want to try." Xiao Yi turned over and walked out of my room without saying a word.

He is such a stubborn child, thinking too naively about everything. No one can stop it. Yes, no one is the savior, and I am not his.

At this moment, the phone rang, and there were two text messages. The first one was a strange number. The type of face was, "Zheng Ai, I figured it out clearly. Come with me. Jian Shuo."

The second one is from Su Sufa, and the appearance is even more inexplicable. "A Li, don't believe him, don't believe him."

Don't believe him, who do you believe, Jian Shuo?

I didn't understand, so I read the text message again. Normally, Jian Shuo didn't have my phone number, which was asked by Su Su. If you ask me for my number, Su Su must ask him what he wants to do. In this case, Su Su's text messages must be aimed at Jian Shuo's text messages. Don't trust him, don't trust him.

Is it reminding me that Jian Shuo wants to eat for both men and women, so don't believe him?

I'm not sure yet. I'll just call you directly to ask.

"Hey Su Su, it's so noisy over there. Where are you?" As soon as the phone was connected, I heard the deafening music over there. It's nonsense to ask her where she is. Obviously, she is in a nightclub.

"Hey, Ali. Let me tell you... Just remember it. I'm not free here and I won't talk to you. Remember, please remember it." After saying that, he hung up the phone.

I was stunned. Listening to her tone is obviously that she drinks too much. If she drinks too much, she can stay rational and send me this kind of message at the first time. It's really interesting.

Since Su Su said she wouldn't believe him, she would definitely not hurt me. And I didn't plan to be the disgusting man who eats both men and women at all. I turned off the phone and fell in **. I touched the paper again, and I was suddenly a little afraid of the letter with destruction.

I use lighters to light them. Watch those farewell fonts turn into a wisp of smoke in the air and then turn into ashes.

is the end of everything, but this does not mean the end.

I still remember that when I just broke up with Li Luo, I hid in the toilet in the studio and smoked. A schoolgirl knocked on the door and asked me, "Is there anyone?"

As I smoked, I asked her through the thick and dilapidated wooden door of the studio, "What do you think you were born for?"

The schoolgirl smiled outside, and I heard the sound of the lighter pressing on. Her voice was ridiculous and horrible in that cruel winter, with unprecedented coldness and the infinite coldness of the world. She slowly said, "It's so easy to understand. Isn't she born to die? What else can I do?

I almost applauded inside, well said, well said! That's great!

Later, I would think about such a question whenever I had time. In fact, I'm afraid of death. I'm afraid of entering a completely unconscious state. Even if I put my body in an oven with a temperature of thousands of degrees Celsius, I won't feel anything. I really want to convince myself that there is reincarnation and the next life. Force yourself to find strong evidence from many scientists or people on the Internet to tell yourself, don't be afraid, there will be a next life. However, when I was had an abortion, I lay on the operating table in the hospital and was filled with anesthetics. When I fainted in the toilet in the dormitory, I was confused. Isn't that an unconscious state? Death is like this, but you won't be lucky to wake up.

Only then did I find that I couldn't deceive myself and didn't have an afterlife.