chapter 61 a piece of darkness

"Well... In winter, it's our turn to be on duty again. This time I went to the classroom, and she sat in a chair and ate hot baked sweet potatoes. I still remember that it was the rare sunlight in winter. When the sun was about to set, the sunlight four years ago finally arrived on the earth after traveling through countless light years. The oblique light shone in the space where we existed at that time, as if in memory. She was wearing a thick pink velvet jacket, and the light reflected that her face turned pink. She didn't even know when she would approach me. She was still stained with sweet roasted sweet potatoes and kissed me on the cheek. I stood in a daze and watched her long eyelashes stir up slightly in front of my eyes. In fact, sometimes I really want to carry my SLR through time and space and go back to the scene at that time. As a transparent person, I stand silently in the dead corner that can't be seen in time and take a photo that will not fade for the kissing teenager and the girl. Because I believe that it is the beauty that time cannot fade away. It will exist forever.

My eyes were so sour that I didn't have time to rub them with my hands, and a tear slipped out of my eyes.

I also want to be a photographer walking in the time tunnel countless times. Those things that I can't forget and don't have time to record need us to condense the fragrance of a moment.

If possible, I want to take a young photo for the old people, because it is the most precious souvenir.

Loess, white bone. Wooden box, powder. No more regrets.

"She is my first love. If I get it now, I will be rejected. The love I just fell in love in the third year of junior high school is dusk. What's the first love? Like ordinary boys, I attach great importance to my first love. Because it is the first time, this relationship is extremely unforgettable. Until now, I have made countless girlfriends abroad, but I can no longer find the feeling with her at that time. I don't think I can find it in my life. First love is first love, once in a lifetime.

"Because it's my first time to fall in love, I often ignore her feelings. For example, if she is late for school and forgets to buy breakfast for her, she will be very angry and angry with me. I think it's because I don't like her that these mistakes have appeared. Later, I realized it and corrected it. Our love lasted until I was a first-man in high school. At that time, the liberal arts and sciences had to be divided into classes, and she studied science and I studied liberal arts. Because we are not in the same class, we have much less time to meet, which makes us cherish this relationship more. As long as we have time, we will get together. Even if you are relatively speechless and doing your own exercise books, you will feel very happy. In the first semester of her sophomore year of high school, something happened to her family again. This time, her mother was in a big accident, and she ran away before she could say goodbye to her. In desperation, she took the house out and slept on the street alone. She didn't tell me this, that's what I heard. I couldn't get through to her mobile phone, and there was no one to find her at her house. Just wandering around in the street, very anxious.

"At the end of the summer when I was 16 years old, even the evening air was filled with the strong smell of light-years. When I found her, she squatted under a huge locust tree wearing the couple T-shirt we went to buy together and counted the ants who hurriedly moved on the ground because of the rainstorm. She didn't cry, but squatted there quietly. I didn't call her, but looked at her silently. I knew she knew that I was by her side. This is how we get along with each other. We have complete trust and tacit understanding.

I laughed, and tears soaked more and more in my eyes.

Once upon a time, I also trusted a boy like this. I patted my chest in the world's most proud tone and proudly announced to the people all over the world that he could never do anything wrong to me! But I was confused after it happened. I thought it was impossible, nothing is impossible.

Yes, I admit that I still can't let myself go. In the past, every time I thought of Li Luo and Qian Rui rolling in **, my stomach would get up with a severe heartache and would vomit. Now, when I think of Li Luo and Chen Yi, I really want to kill myself to relieve myself.

I still can't accept it. I can't accept it all my life. I can't forgive, and I don't want to forgive either.

I said that I am a mortal, not a saint. I have the right to hate, I can hate, and I may also hold grudges, those who hurt me hard and are my favorite people.

"That night, I took her to my house. As soon as we got home, it began to rain heavily outside. I introduced her to my parents, my mother and my brother. My family is relatively open-minded. Maybe everyone has received Western-style education since childhood. There is something I haven't told you yet. My grandfather is German. I have a quarter of German blood, and I can barely be regarded as a mixed race. My family likes her very much, especially my mother. Probably because she has been angry with me and my brother since she was a child. She especially wanted a daughter. Jiaqi's appearance just filled this gap. I told them that Jiaqi was an orphan. I wanted to be with her and let her live in my house. Everyone agreed, and we would get along very well for the rest of the day. She is a smart and sensible child and knows how to please everyone. I always surprise them inadvertently at home. For example, when I get up in the morning, I will unexpectedly see the steaming breakfast, helping my mother weave scarves, cleaning, and watering flowers in the yard. In this way, everyone likes her more, and my mother can't wait to let her marry me immediately. At that time, I was also very happy. I thought this happiness would continue to the end that I didn't know... However, the dream will eventually wake up.

It's a dream that will eventually wake up...

What about me? My dream woke up, and nightmares came one after another.

"Somethings began to fall at home. In fact, everyone has doubts in their hearts, but they are all worried about Jiaqi's feelings for fear of wronging her. Until once, Jian Sha was a straight intestine. He felt unbearable, because his girlfriend just sent him the tie was missing and he was furious. Everyone in the family knows that it is Jiaqi who has been tidying up our clothes. The elder brother quarreled with her and slapped her in front of the whole family. She didn't admit that we all thought Jiansha was too much, and I almost fought with him about it. He is very sad. You should know that our brother has had a good relationship since he was a child, and he has hardly quarreled. I almost fought with him for my girlfriend. Now it is even more difficult to accept if it were me. In anger, my brother found a private detective to investigate her, and this time he found out everything. Her background, and she took out the things in our house and quietly sold them to help her parents who came back recently but still hid in Tibet. When my parents knew about her family situation, they were shocked and felt that they had been cheated. Very angry. And I think I don't know the truth, and I was deceived by her. They kicked her out of the house and asked her to write a blood book and never appeared in front of me again. I also wrote the same one, but not a blood book.

"That year, I was 17 years old in winter. I stood in a thick down jacket in front of the floor-to-ceiling window of my living room and watched her quickly cut the index finger of her right hand with a fruit knife at home that often cuts fruit for her family. I noticed her expression and didn't even frown. She wrote on the white paper, 'I swear with my life that I will never go out in front of Jian Shuo again. If there is a violation, I would rather die.' After writing, she handed over the paper stained with her blood to my mother. He knelt down in front of them and kowtowed. My father ignored it and turned his head to one side. My brother went back to his room, where only my mother was silent. After kowtoing, she came to me and said to me, 'Jianshuo, I have never hated it like this. When you can save the princess before the princess's grandson can get married, I find that I am not a princess. For the first time in five years, I felt that standing with you would pollute you. When I take out something from home and go to the pawnshop, I will write it down in my notebook and tell myself every day that I must make money and redeem it as soon as possible, but...' She didn't say too much to explain. She knew that if she said too much, I would feel that she would be more pretentious. When she went out, she took off the E-land windbreaker my mother bought for her, wearing the white couple T-shirt she first came to my house. In a few degrees below zero weather, she didn't seem to be cold. She resolutely went out and no longer looked back at me.

"Really, I haven't seen her since then. She is not at school either, and no one knows where she has gone. My mother is most exaggerated to look at the scarf that Jiaqi weaves for her every day. Sometimes she unconsciously asks me, 'Son, Jiaqi is very pitiful, isn't it? Jiaqi is really good to our family, isn't she? She can feel that she loves us very much.' At that time, I will be silent and look at the distant sky outside the glass and can't say a word. Gradually, I don't want to go to school, I don't want to eat, I don't want anything... In desperation, I was sent out of the country. They felt that I was depressed. After receiving treatment in the United States, they sent me to Italy. In this way, I stayed until I came back recently.

He suddenly stopped, his lips close to my ear, and asked me with the most desperate voice in the world, "Do you know why I came back? Because I received an invitation from Jiaqi to the school. She is getting married.

"She is going to marry a man who is more than her twenties and has just divorced. The man's daughter is two years older than her. Please paste the wedding photo attached to them. The obscene middle-aged man hugged Jiaqi in a holy wedding dress with an extremely disgusting expression. Jiaqi was still so beautiful. She smiled at the camera and looked noble and beautiful, but I couldn't feel her happiness at all. I only saw helplessness in her eyes. At that moment, I decided to return to China. After returning to China, I also knew that my family had received a large remittance, but I couldn't find out who remitted it. My parents were really puzzled. When I took out Jiaqi's invitation, everyone was silent. I know her situation, I also know that she has no choice, and I know that I can't save her. Even if I lose weight and run faster than anyone else, I really can't save her this time. I'm not her savior. I let her push her into the dark abyss and be doomed.